High Performance Leadership

Do you ever get defensive? How does that feel? For me, I can feel my blood pressure raise just a little. I might start to perspire. I get edgy and look for either confrontation or escape. The problem with that reaction is that I probably don't need it. How about you? When we get defensive it's because something about who we are or what we think feels threatened. We're challenged into a kind of alertness that might serve us well if we're really in danger. But, if we're not really in danger it can get in our way. Defensiveness gets in the way of hearing real feedback. It gets in the way of learning. It puts a wedge between us and another relationship. We can do better. How can we control defensiveness? Here's what works for me: When I feel those flashes of defensiveness, pause. Breathe. Stay curious, rather than defensive. That feeling of defensiveness is a sign that we are in the middle of a learning opportunity. Stay open to what's there, and t...

Have you ever hidden from what's good for you? Do you ever find yourself in a box of your own design? I can get defensive sometimes. A piece of criticism heads my way, and I'm not only ducking, I'm swatting it away like a nuisance. Full red alert keeps me from getting what I need to hear. Not always, but sometimes I'm not feeling secure enough to look at my own opportunity for improvement. Do you ever find yourself hiding from your mistakes? What do you think happens as a result? Here's what I learned about that: If you want help with a problem, be willing to look at your own mistakes without getting defensive. How else can you ever fix them? How else will people be willing to take the risk of communicating openly and honestly with you? Feeling defensive is normal -- acting defensive is a choice. -- Douglas Brent Smith