High Performance Leadership

That misunderstanding, that festering conflict, that difficult behavior...what are we to do? Talk it over. Bring it up. Conflict is reason to talk. Conversations cost less than making assumptions. Talk about it. 

Unless you want a fuzzy result, get specific about your request. No matter how great a leader you are, no one can read your mind. -- doug smith  

When we declare that something is true, it is because we tend to believe that it is true (unless we are deliberately lying). And, it may well be true, but what if we're wrong? Leaders are often wrong. Even high performance leaders. Here's one way to navigate that.  Instead of telling someone my truth is absolute, I will ask them to think about it. What if? Maybe we don't have to convince people immediately. Maybe we'll be more influential if they believe that they can think it over. What do you think? -- doug smith

  Words are a small part of any message you have to share. The first part is connection. Find yourself aware of the other person you want to connect with, breathe and stay present. They are there for a thousand and one reasons and you might not be one of them, but still -- connect. Smile. Listen. Breathe. Find the connection and the words will follow. If you find the wrong words, keep trying. Life is a learning process. Communication evolves. -- doug smith

  Maps are useful. Pictures help us to understand. High performance leaders rely on maps, charts, and visuals to help communicate and influence. A good map can even help you find your way to your mission. Find a good map. But pay attention to the terrain -- things are always shifting. -- doug smith

You don't have to believe someone's truth to believe that it's their truth. There's no cost to understanding. -- doug smith

  I've said it before, and I'll keep on saying it because it makes the difference in a leader.  High performance leaders get to know their people. There is no substitute for time spent talking with people who matter most. -- doug smith

  Every useful answer started as a brilliant question. -- doug smith

  One of the worst things I've ever done, and I do hope to get forgiveness on this sometime, is to give someone the "silent treatment." In anger, in frustration, in doubt, in fear, I've kept silent when someone needed to hear something very important. It might have been assurance. It might have been an explanation. It might have been encouragement. Maybe it was just the quiet humble truth. Why did I do that (and honestly, why so many times?) There is no reward. Withholding carries its own punishment: the unresolved, the unexplained, the unbound. Tell the truth. Tell it right away. Your heart needs the feeling, and your head needs the truth. -- doug smith

Have you ever rehearsed something that you need to say? Oh my, have I ever spent way too much time rehearsing things that  I needed to say. Things that made me uncomfortable, things that made someone else hold themselves accountable, things that could be misunderstand. And, so I rehearsed. And rehearsed. And rehearsed. Trying so hard to come up with the right words to say that I didn't say anything. Sometimes it's less about what you say and more about your willingness to say it. -- doug smith

  We are never finished with developing our communication skills. Don't stop now, you're just getting started. -- doug smith

  Do liars frustrate you? They absolutely aggravate me. Especially since they usually KNOW they are lying, and often KNOW that you KNOW they are lying, and still they lie. It's nonsense. You can't stop a liar from lying, but you don't have to play their game. -- doug smith

Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves.  The answer is so easy that every time I ask a group of people at a workshop or webinar it's the first thing they say. We lie to ourselves the most.  "I'm not good enough...fast enough...young enough...good-looking enough...smart enough..." Nonsense. You are enough. We are enough.  So, why lie to ourselves? We're so good at it that we really do fool ourselves, sometimes into immobility. That's not fun. Tell the truth. Start with yourself. Stop lying to yourself first. Once you see how much better that is, it will be much easier to stop lying to anyone else. -- doug smith

Have you ever said anything that you regretted? That expression "put your foot in your mouth" resonates a bit more when you wear size 13's. I do. And yes, I have sometimes said things that I regretted. Because you know what? When you say something that hurts someone do you know when they'll forget it?  Never. They will never forget it. The damage is done, and just keeps on echoing through the years. That's why I've learned (well, OK, I'm working on it) to pause before saying something with an edge, something with anger, something even passive aggressive. The payoff is bad, and lasts forever. Words meant to hurt are better left unsaid. 'nuff said. -- doug smith

High performance leaders tell the truth. Since that can sometimes be hard, we are often tempted to stretch the truth (in other words, to lie.) While lies can fool people for a while, the truth will inevitably emerge. How will you feel when it does? Telling a lie only proves that you haven't thought of a better answer.  You do have a better answer: the truth. The truth will prevail. Tell the truth. -- doug smith

Have you ever shared a problem that is so sensitive you just want to keep it to yourself? I have. Sometimes I have been weak when it comes to talking about problems. I get all quiet. I practice my secret power of invisibility and simply disappear. Well, no, but in the past sometimes I have acted as if that was a possibility. Anything to avoid talking about a troubling problem - especially an interpersonal one. Maybe some problems should be kept to yourself. But in my experience, they are much harder to solve that way -- and if they involve another person, virtually impossible to solve alone. Unwillingness to discuss a problem is pure cowardice. Grab the courage. Muster up the nerve. Talk about it. That's the first step into solving it, so make that step. -- doug smith

Have you ever kept something to yourself and later regretted it? I sure have. Have you ever felt something and failed to share that feeling, even though someone else could benefit from sharing the feeling? Ditto. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. Hiding those mistakes does not erase them. I don't know if you can ever really erase a mistake, but talking about it helps. Get better at talking about it and it will get better. Talk about it. -- doug smith

High performance leaders communicate without lying. That's harder than it sounds. So hard, that hardly anyone ever does it. -- doug smith

Would you like another super power? There's a skill that, once you start using effectively, begins to feel like a superpower. You never have to settle for a poor answer again. I learned this from my mentor Andrew Oxley, who taught me "if you don't like the answer to a question, ask a better question." Try it. It takes practice. At first you might run out of questions. But, if you stick with it and work at it you can always, always, always come up with better questions. And if you get stuck, silence can even be your better question. Just don't give in. Just don't give up. Ask better questions. Remember what Andrew Oxley said: If you don't like the answer to a question, ask a better question.  -- doug smith

Have you ever had a boss who yells at you? I have. I hated it. She was the one boss I've quit. I left the job because no matter what I did, she only saw the need for correction and yelled, insulted, and belittled me. She was a bully. People leave people who yell at them. We all get excited. We all might raise our voices occasionally. But, there are seldom any reasons worth the damage to yell at a direct report. Leadership does not mean loud. Sometimes it's the quietest voice in the room. -- doug smith