High Performance Leadership

  Do you like to be judged? Me, either. I'm never sure what to do with judgment so I'm learning to ignore it. That's not the same as feedback, though. Comments about observations -- what someone saw, heard, experienced...that is valuable. It's still up to the receiver whether or not to do anything with it, but observations are a useful tool for improvement. Judgment does not improve the experience, but careful and compassionate observation can provide useful direction. Share what you saw, heard, smelled, touched, or experienced. Leave the judging up to judges and the grading up to teachers.  -- doug smith

We are all good at judging. We ascribe motives to other people all the time. We judge their driving, their performance, their communication...judging is natural. But how useful is it? Do you like to be judged? Do you want other people judging your motives, your desire, your intention? Probably not -- and neither do other people want that from you. We do have other choices. My favorite is to stay curious. Whenever I catch myself about to judge (maybe 99 times a day!) I've learned to pause, breathe, and stay curious. What's really going on? How much of whatever I'm about to judge has anything to do with me? And if it is all about me, how much have I contributed to what I am about to judge? If I've contributed a lot, then maybe judgment isn't what I'm looking for because that means judging myself as well. And, if I haven't contributed a lot, maybe it is time that I did...BEFORE I feel empowered to judge. Before you judge, see what other choices you hav...

Whenever I've been too sensitive I have confused criticism with condemnation. I have since come to realize that no-one really appreciates judgment. We do need feedback, but we need it in the form of observations -- not judgment. We can react to feedback. We can choose to take suggestions, or chose not to, and not take it personally. But judgement just flat out feels negative and so we recoil. We withdraw. We miss the message. Knowing the difference between criticism and condemnation helps us decide when to react and when to recoil. Criticism, framed as feedback, we can take. Condemnation is of no use at all. -- doug smith