High Performance Leadership

Why would a happy person ever harm anyone? I don't think that they would. When we are happy, content, and at peace any effort to disturb or harm anyone else will just disturb or harm ourselves as well.  When we experience someone trying to disturb or harm us we can be sure that they are already in pain. Fighting back might seem valid, but will it help? What if we helped heal the pain at the root?  Difficult people did not become difficult randomly. Something, in need of healing, caused it. -- doug smith

Fortunately, you are entirely in charge of you. Your reactions belong to your set of choices. When people get upset, it feels like an invitation, but it remains a choice.  Angry people can change the temperature of the room, but they don't have to change you. -- doug smith

  Do you work on your emotions? Turns out that emotional intelligence is important. Being able to manage your own emotions, adjust accordingly, recognize the emotions of others, and influence those emotions is powerful. Leaders do well to develop their emotional capacity. My problem has never been too little focus on emotions. My life long adventure has included struggles to control those emotions. It's like this classic exchange: "I think you've got an anger problem..." "What the HELL are you TALKING about?" Or this one: "Where did you go?" "I just had to get away..." "To sulk?" "..." "You can have your problem and get upset about it or you can just have your problem. It's completely up to you..." None of us are perfect. But as Groucho said in a famous movie line "Nobody's perfect, but you're abusing the privilege." Working on it. Getting better at it. Recognizing, managing, and control...

Do you get angry? Doesn't everyone? A temper is a terrible thing, because it harms the owner the most. When we are angry, our target may not even know it. But, we sure do and that energy feeds on itself. I do not like being angry. I've had too much practice. Anger has hurt me and it has hurt others I never wanted to hurt. While anger can have its purpose -- defending someone in danger who has been abused or gathering the energy to right a wrong -- most of the time it is energy that could be better spent in repair. Better spent in building rapport. Better spent in building relationship. Anger fools us. Anger taunts us. Anger misdirects us. We might tied to work just to make sure that our anger is not part of the reason for our anger. Because many times, it is. What should we do? I humbly offer this distillation from wise advice of others. Breathe. Pause. Breathe again. Give your brain time to quiet the defensive posture and clearly see what's going on. What's going on? B...

photo by Eric Weber Are your team members ever angry with you? Whether you are a creative artist, a business person, a not-for-profit consultant...whatever -- when we are doing important, passionate work we will sometimes generate anger. It might be unexpected. It might be provoked. People get angry. Anger can cloud our understanding. We can disagree. We disagree every day with some one (and sometimes it feels like half the world!) The better path, better than getting upset, is to clarify. If we disagree, we can figure out how to understand. Unless we understand, all the anger in the world is wasted energy. High performance leaders find ways to disagree respectfully while staying open to new possibilities. Ever been wrong? I'm wrong at least once a day. Disagreeing with my truth is often useful. Getting angry at it seldom is. -- doug smith

What do you do when someone in your range of influence is angry? It can be discomforting. It can be disruptive. Anger is tough to handle under the best of circumstances. And yet, handle it we must. Centered, high performance leaders are careful about anger. Careful about their own anger and careful about their reactions to the anger of others. I had a boss once (a very long time ago) who told me that I had a problem with anger. That made me angry. The reaction to anger is sometimes defensiveness, sometimes fear, and sometimes (surprise!) more anger. Whatever our reaction, our bodies are usually poised for action. What we do in that moment of activation is critical to our success. If our life or emotional well-being is being threatened, that steers our direction. But usually, although it feels that way, we are not actually under any threat. So we must deal with anger productively. We must say what we want without blaming others for it not being there. We must listen with cur...

Do problems make you angry? Do you ever find yourself so emotional about a situation that it's hard to do anything about it? If a problem makes you angry, solve your anger before solving the problem. It's important to deal with that anger before it causes all sorts of additional problems. Solve your anger first, and then move forward.  -- Douglas Brent Smith

Sometimes I get angry at the silliest things. I once got angry at a boss who said I had an anger problem. I traveled the road from denial to defensiveness to objection. It's easy to get lost on that road. People get angry for a lot of reasons, and I've managed to feel most of them. It doesn't make me an angry person (I hope) but it does mean I'm a person who gets angry. Who doesn't? Some people handle their anger better than others. That's admirable. Good for them. It can be done with therapy, will power, training, prayer, meditation or medication.  We do have to handle our anger. Getting angry is acceptable, but acting negatively based on that anger is not. High performance leaders see anger as unfulfilled passion and find ways to convert it to productive use. Whether it's our own anger or someone else's, there is so much energy there! Why not channel it? Why not direct it? Why not use it for meaningful, noble, productive change? I had another...

It made me angry. How dare the customer push me like that? Clearly, he was accustomed to getting what he wanted by bullying people. I'd show him. He wouldn't get what he wanted from me. But wait. Was I being at my best? Was my anger getting in the way? And, why exactly was I angry anyway? Jim stepped in. He offered the customer a solution I hadn't thought of. One that would not cost us anything but simply require a minor shuffling of resources. In the end, no customer would be harmed by the shuffling and wouldn't even be effected. The bully left happy, but maybe he wasn't a bully at all. Maybe I was the one being unreasonable and hasty. If it makes you angry, work with someone to fix what's wrong. I'm grateful to Jim for stepping in. His calm perspective didn't see anger, but only possible solutions. That's what I needed in that moment. That's what the customer needed, too. It doesn't take a perfect leader to be a centered leader. B...