High Performance Leaders Deal With Anger

What do you do when someone in your range of influence is angry?

It can be discomforting. It can be disruptive. Anger is tough to handle under the best of circumstances. And yet, handle it we must.

Centered, high performance leaders are careful about anger. Careful about their own anger and careful about their reactions to the anger of others.

I had a boss once (a very long time ago) who told me that I had a problem with anger. That made me angry. The reaction to anger is sometimes defensiveness, sometimes fear, and sometimes (surprise!) more anger. Whatever our reaction, our bodies are usually poised for action. What we do in that moment of activation is critical to our success.

If our life or emotional well-being is being threatened, that steers our direction. But usually, although it feels that way, we are not actually under any threat.

So we must deal with anger productively. We must say what we want without blaming others for it not being there. We must listen with curiosity to see what is behind the charged emotions. Instead of fencing in whoever appears to be in opposition to us we must collaborate on ways to move the fences back. Liberating that feeling of constraint is useful and bridges the gaps we feel rather than pushing others farther away.

Does it take work? Of course! That's why we're leaders - to show that whatever the problem, whatever the conflict, whatever the strong emotion, there is always a better way.

Unresolved anger doesn't go away on its own.

We might as well deal with it right away.

-- Doug Smith

Comments

At the Root

Why would a happy person ever harm anyone? I don't think that they would. When we are happy, content, and at peace any effort to disturb or harm anyone else will just disturb or harm ourselves as well. When we experience someone trying to disturb or harm us we can be sure that they are already in pain. Fighting back might seem valid, but will it help? What if we helped heal the pain at the root? Difficult people did not become difficult randomly. Something, in need of healing, caused it. -- doug smith

Learn Beyond The Point Of Discomfort

Do you always learn things the first time you try them? If you do, please teach me how you do that! Learning takes the right attitude, the right tools, and the right repetition of trials. We fall off that bike the first time we get on it. We hit a sour note the first time we pick up a horn. We learn by degrees, even when we earn a degree. We seldom learn anything perfectly the first time we try it. Or the second, or the third... Yet we so often stop at the point of competency. That's when the learning has just begun! There is a huge range of learning ahead of and beyond competency. It's the road to mastery. We do not need to master everything. But imagine the joy of mastering what matters to you most. Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that be life-enhancing? And (most important) won't that take more learning than you've already done? -- Doug Smith

Thriving Teams

Thriving leaders thrive as their teams thrive. It's a partnership. It's a deal. It takes constant support and service to sustain a high performance team. Thriving leaders recruit with the enthusiasm they show for their team. People can tell when your team is cohesive, cooperative, and collaborative and people crave that for themselves. Create and support a team that supports each other and others will rally to the cause. You have no weak links. You have no poor performers. You have no superstars. You do have team members who need your guidance and support. That's the role of a leader. -- doug smith

Not Everything Is Possible

If what you want is impossible, want something else. -- doug smith

It's About The Cause

The art of leadership is keeping the ego out of the play. It's not about you. It's never about you. As a leader, it's about the cause. -- doug smith

Work Your Way There

Big goals need little goals to build momentum. -- doug smith

Of Course It's Not Easy

It's not the problem that upsets you, it's not getting what you want. Get clarity about what you REALLY want, and then work relentlessly to get it. If it was easy, how much fun would it REALLY be? -- doug smith

Money Isn't Everything

The profit motive is a poor substitute for genuine value. Money isn't everything. It's not even the most important thing. Oh, sure it's incredibly important. As a person who has many times wondered if there would be enough cash to pay the bills, I have come to respect mightily the value of money. But money is transactional. People are more than transactions. What we value most is more than money can buy, is more than a transaction, is a character of depth and peacefulness, and yes, love that is earned, not bought. Think about that for a minute. -- doug smith

Enjoy AND Improve

Do you enjoy success? If that seems like a silly question (Of COURSE I enjoy success!) think about it from another perspective. Sometimes we can taper down our enjoyment and appreciation of something because we know it's not perfect yet, and how can we be happy if it's not perfect? I do that somethings. It's not helpful. OF COURSE it's not perfect: nothing else and nothing ever will be. There are no perfect people, processes, performances, or plan. If we wait for perfection, we'll just keep waiting (and probably without gaining ground...) Let's do both. Let's enjoy our current level of success and achievement while also working to improve it. Performance must constantly improve, AND we can enjoy our exiting improvements. -- doug smith

Love Leadership

Can you be a high performance leader without loving your gig? I've know some great leaders in my life. Some were happy. Some were not. The ones who seemed to live the happiest of lives not only worked harder than anyone else around them (the price of leadership) they also loved what they did. They loved their field of play, their work, their calling, with an unrelenting passion. When a leader can give all there is to give out of love, it makes the hard work and service of leadership more than worth it -- it makes it a joy. Leaders do need more than love. They do need ambition, hard work, discipline, education, and sometimes a little luck comes in hand. But they do need love. Love isn't always enough, but it always belongs in the mix. -- doug smith

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