Oh Those Difficult People!

Do you have a difficult person in your life?

Most people can think of at least one difficult person. Someone who it is just plain hard to get along with. They constantly irritate. They frequently fail. They mess around with our expectations. They make interaction tough.

They. They. They.

What's our role in the interaction? What are we doing to make it tough? What can we change?

The easiest and best thing to change about difficult people is how we interact with them.

Then we can influence their behavior. Then we can show them how we like to be treated. Then we can show them what respect, compassion, courage, creativity, and clarity looks like. When we are the centered leaders we need to be, others will respond.

They won't be perfect. They might still be difficult. But they will respond. And little by little when we make the interaction more positive, they become more positive, too.

Besides. What if we're the difficult person?

-- Doug Smith

Comments

Strategic and Communication Skills

Supervisors often bring strong technical skills to the job. When they have worked in technical jobs prior to becoming a supervisor, they were often the best at what they do. They know the ground level part of their business well enough to solve problems and deal with day to day issues. Leading is all that and more. High performance leadership requires attention to detail AND a constant view of the big picture: where is your team, your market, and your customer base headed? What does the future hold? Strong supervisors learn to add strategic and communication skills to their technical ability. What are you doing today to develop your sense of the big picture? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Win The Game

It would be nice to win the game. But, do you ever feel like you're in a game that keeps shifting the rules and making it easy to make progress but impossible to win? You've probably noticed lots of game elements creeping into service. Points, incentives, expiring coupons followed by new expiring coupons, leader-boards...on an on a relentless attack on service comes from playing a game designed -- you guessed it -- to maximize profit. If the customer is happy, fine, but the point is to make money. Not to put too fine a point on it but that's a lousy point. What if there could be something better? What if customer service excellence became playing a game where the customer always wins and that makes you happy? You don't have to. "give away the store" to achieve a winning game for all of the players. Just stop stacking the rules against customers and watch how much more they will want to do business with you. -- doug smith

What You Do

Do your team members know what you do as a leader? It's a serious question. I've known leaders who seem to nearly never venture outside of their office, and others who are seldom there. What is it that you do? Answer customer questions? Resolve team conflicts? Make your own boss happy? Develop new ideas? Fill out reports? Answer emails? It's risky to take for granted that your team members know what you do. But, they sure want to! I'd encourage you to conduct daily individual conversations so that no matter what else you do, much of what you do is communicate with the team. Will that take time? Sure. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Are you giving your team members enough of your time? Is what you do vital to your team's success? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Make the Hard Choices

Are you faced with a hard choice? A hard choice is one we don't want to make, and yet realize that sooner or later we need to. It could be making that big career change. It could be ending a destructive relationship. It could be selling that car that costs too much to keep repairing. Make the choice. Moving on is the direction of growth. Gathering the facts, discovering the reality of the situation, and making the choice is the way to go. We might need to get creative to do it. It may take all of our creative juice just to figure out a better way, but there is always a better way. A creative act may close a door or two but it will soon open thousands of possibilities. And possibilities are what we want. Positive, energized, growing possibilities. This all becomes easier when our goals are clear. When we know where we're headed -- and we're willing to do the hard work it takes to get there -- any distraction is more easily exposed. Choices become more clear. Make...

Don't Judge That Creative Idea Too Soon

Are you a fan of your inner judge? We all have an inner judge (sometimes called inner critic) who wants to assess everything. To the inner judge, nothing is ever perfect. To the inner judge, there is always fault to find. How annoying. We grow up with this inner judge and let the judge drive us when we're not paying attention. When we lack focus on what is truly most important our inner judge tries to decide for us, and usually makes poor decisions. As Don Miguel Ruiz has said, "our inner judge lies." Judging a creative idea too soon is not fair to you or to the idea. You'll have time to judge. You'll have time to decide. But imagine how many more possibilities you'll have to work with if you first choose to stay curious. I promise to work on that every day from now on. How about you? -- Doug Smith

Tell the Truth

There's no such thing as a little white lie when you're a leader. I'm not talking about being blunt if someone asks "does this dress make my butt look big?" because we all pretty much know how that goes. What I'm talking about is telling your team members the truth in connection with your mission, your values, your goals. When it comes to what keeps a person on the team and what gets them an invitation to find a new direction. F ar more opportunities are lost by hiding the truth then from telling it. Your competition is searching for the truth. Your team is searching for the truth. Your inner self really wants to know and share the truth, doesn't it? It always comes out anyway. Why not get to the truth faster? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Take Charge

Is it possible to be a centered, highly participative and collaborative leader while also acting with a take charge sense of focus? It may not be easy, but I do believe it's possible. My favorite leaders have all been collaborative. They operate with respect and cooperative appreciation. And, when necessary they take charge. High performance leaders get things done. Usually, that means with the help of other people. Relationships are essential. And, results matter, too. Taking on a fair share of the unglamorous work shows a team that the leader is willing and able to work side-by-side. This can be profoundly motivating. Leaders who roll-up-their-sleeves and help with the messy side of the work show that their passion is authentic. Centered leaders take charge when the need arises. The need arises constantly. Get the views of others. Collaborate. Listen, rather than command. And when the moment calls for it, show your authentic passion for the work by taking charge when thin...

Expect the Best

People sometimes disappoint. Whether it is intentional, accidental, or something in between, it happens. People also intend to do their best. Our expectations influence our team members one way or another -- positive intentions and expectations are a better match than negative expectations and whatever happens next. Expect the best from people and let them know: nothing less will do. -- doug smith

Art Belongs Everywhere

What does it take to be creative? What place does art have in your business? People are naturally creative. As a leader you can put that creativity to good use, or you can hold it back. If you want innovation, new ideas, better ways of serving your customers, and happier team members you probably already know that it pays to keep your environment conducive to creativity. Art helps. Whether it is in the form of fascinating photos, interesting prints, provocative sculpture, or occasional performances by that local string quartet or improv troupe, people benefit from an environment that celebrates creativity. Creativity helps to bridge the previously unseen connections. Creativity helps to spark new ideas. Creativity puts smiles on people's faces. Where does art belong? Art belongs everywhere. What can you do today to add a touch more of creativity to your environment? Curious about creativity? Creativity May Play A Role in Healthy Aging The Power of Ordinary Prac...

Careful Expectations

Change agents don't always play by the rules. Expecting them to is the act of a fool. -- doug smith

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