High Performance Leadership

When it sounds like I'm preaching I'm  primarily talking to myself. -- doug smith  

  Words are a small part of any message you have to share. The first part is connection. Find yourself aware of the other person you want to connect with, breathe and stay present. They are there for a thousand and one reasons and you might not be one of them, but still -- connect. Smile. Listen. Breathe. Find the connection and the words will follow. If you find the wrong words, keep trying. Life is a learning process. Communication evolves. -- doug smith

  Every useful answer started as a brilliant question. -- doug smith

Have you ever rehearsed something that you need to say? Oh my, have I ever spent way too much time rehearsing things that  I needed to say. Things that made me uncomfortable, things that made someone else hold themselves accountable, things that could be misunderstand. And, so I rehearsed. And rehearsed. And rehearsed. Trying so hard to come up with the right words to say that I didn't say anything. Sometimes it's less about what you say and more about your willingness to say it. -- doug smith

  We are never finished with developing our communication skills. Don't stop now, you're just getting started. -- doug smith

Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves.  The answer is so easy that every time I ask a group of people at a workshop or webinar it's the first thing they say. We lie to ourselves the most.  "I'm not good enough...fast enough...young enough...good-looking enough...smart enough..." Nonsense. You are enough. We are enough.  So, why lie to ourselves? We're so good at it that we really do fool ourselves, sometimes into immobility. That's not fun. Tell the truth. Start with yourself. Stop lying to yourself first. Once you see how much better that is, it will be much easier to stop lying to anyone else. -- doug smith

Have you ever said anything that you regretted? That expression "put your foot in your mouth" resonates a bit more when you wear size 13's. I do. And yes, I have sometimes said things that I regretted. Because you know what? When you say something that hurts someone do you know when they'll forget it?  Never. They will never forget it. The damage is done, and just keeps on echoing through the years. That's why I've learned (well, OK, I'm working on it) to pause before saying something with an edge, something with anger, something even passive aggressive. The payoff is bad, and lasts forever. Words meant to hurt are better left unsaid. 'nuff said. -- doug smith

Have you ever kept something to yourself and later regretted it? I sure have. Have you ever felt something and failed to share that feeling, even though someone else could benefit from sharing the feeling? Ditto. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. Hiding those mistakes does not erase them. I don't know if you can ever really erase a mistake, but talking about it helps. Get better at talking about it and it will get better. Talk about it. -- doug smith

Sometimes I keep it all to myself. That is seldom a good idea. Better, far better, is to talk about it. Get it out. Share. Listen, pause, think it over, speak. Speak your mind, speak your heart, speak your peace. -- doug smith

Knowing what to say is only valuable if you say it. Say it. -- doug smith

Every conversation is an opportunity to make someone's life better. Take the chance. -- doug smith

So you think you understand? How many times have you been wrong? I've been wrong too many times to count, even if I only counted this week. Usually it's about something that I think I understand, but do not. I'm not sure I'll ever understand romantic love, for instance. Just when I think I do, SURPRISE! I'm not sure I'll ever understand why good teams fall apart. We work hard to build them, we make our customers happy, and then one day SURPRISE! our team squeaks and bleeds. To understand keep learning. The facts keep changes. The faces keep changing. Life keeps rearranging. Don't get it yet? Don't worry, just roll up your sleeves and keeping asking questions. Keep the inquiry active and you'll keep moving ahead. One humble step at a time, perhaps, but moving ahead. It's dangerous to pretend we understand...so often we do not. -- doug smith

There are all kinds of hazards a high performance leader must navigate. Competition, customer misunderstandings, difficult hires, troubling team members. But there's one hazard we don't have to fall into and that's the problem of people who do not listen but who try to influence us with their own outrageous opinions. Let them try. We can listen. But, if they do not listen in return, we need to be careful about heeding their hazardous advice. Be careful about following someone who does not listen. They could be lost. -- doug smith

Do you like a good argument? Do you get excited with the adrenalin rush of proving someone wrong? I do. Except...it doesn't work that way. Do you ever really prove someone wrong with an argument? Work isn't after all debate club. No one has to cede to your cogent, meaty, precious points. Few people are persuaded by hefty logic or prolific pronouncements. They tend to turn away instead. What works better is curiosity. What is more influential is staying open to the thinking and processing of others. They might be wrong, of course. But, what if they are correct? What if at least PART of what they're saying is logical and practical? Gasp! Stranger things have happened. Stranger things indeed. Stay curious. There's mysterious, undeniable, unbreakable power in it. Curiosity is more powerful than rhetoric, dogma, or unquestioned truth. -- doug smith

Everyone will lie to you. The two key questions are: how will you know, and how will you respond? -- doug smith

Can you tell when someone is lying to you? Do you call them on it? Do you stay curious enough to explore what's behind what feels like a lie? How about when you catch yourself stretching the truth or simply leaving out an important detail? You're better than that, right? High performance leaders are better than that. You can handle the truth, AND you can deliver the truth. Consistently, insistently, tell the truth. The adjustment from a lie to the truth may be troubling at first but it's eventually liberating. The truth rules. -- doug smith

I don't put much stock in lies, how about you? Because I never want to be lied to, I work my best to avoid lying to others. Leaders communicate for reasons they believe are important. If the result is important enough, it's far better to rely on telling the truth to get there than in fabricating some fantasy that will eventually be discovered. The truth always rises to the top anyway, why not start there? Communicating for results takes an investment in the truth. -- doug smith

One of the biggest mistakes I've made, many times, was assuming that someone agreed with me. That's a dangerous practice. It feels easier to agree. It just isn't always the agreement we think we have. High performance leaders constantly clarify the truth. They clarify meaning. The granular details reveal the truth. Abstractions keep us smiling and nodding. Clear communication sparks the awareness needed to see true disagreement. Disagreement can be the start to understanding, and without understanding there can be no true agreement. The more clearly we communicate the more likely it is that someone will disagree with us. Then we know where we stand, and the direction we need to move. -- doug smith

Lies. Half-truths. Broken promises. Deceit. Distorting the truth. Hiding the truth. Secrets. We all lie, but we don't all have to lie. We can choose the truth. We can be polite, respectful, kind, and still tell the truth. Every lie breaks a promise. Tell the truth. -- doug smith

Do you know many people who dominate a conversation? It seems like no matter what the topic is, some people have the most to say. And, they insist on saying it. My grandmother used to describe that kind of situation by saying, "I couldn't get a word in edgewise." Communication is not a broadcast. For true communication to exist, the people involved need to reach some sense of shared meaning. They do not need to agree for this happen, but they do need to understand each other. Sometimes that takes many words, sometimes it takes just a few. Listen, understand, and then speak up to make your own meaning clear and understood. It could take an extra measure of assertiveness with some people. It is worth it. Just because someone wants to dominate a conversation does not mean that you must allow it. Share responsibility for success. -- doug smith