High Performance Leadership

How good are you at providing feedback? If you're not sure, ask your team members. If you are good at it, they'll tell you. If you're not good at it, then maybe they will and maybe they won't. Feedback does not come easy. Skillful, useful feedback that improves both performance AND self-esteem is a delicate balance of recognizing positives and occasionally providing insights on areas of improvement -- all placed into the context of why it matters. Without the "why" -- why the feedback matters, why the improvement matters, why the performance matters, all the feedback you can muster will only fluster whoever you provide it to. Tell them what they did that was great, ask how they could make it even greater, and share with them why it all makes a difference. Because unless it really makes a difference who cares? Feedback, like any skill, takes practice. -- doug smith

How often do you talk with your team members, one-on-one? Not counting the group meetings, are you scheduling and keeping regular conversations with each and every team member? They need that level of attention. They require that level of attention. They have a much better chance of meeting your expectations when you give them that level of attention. It's an effort. It takes discipline. But, what could be more important than clear and regular communication with your team members? I would say, just about nothing would be more important. High performance leaders talk with each team member about what comes next. High performance leaders talk with each team member about performance. High performance leaders talk with each team member regularly, openly, honestly, and deeply. It's your best leadership tool. Talk with your team members. -- doug smith

Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves.  The answer is so easy that every time I ask a group of people at a workshop or webinar it's the first thing they say. We lie to ourselves the most.  "I'm not good enough...fast enough...young enough...good-looking enough...smart enough..." Nonsense. You are enough. We are enough.  So, why lie to ourselves? We're so good at it that we really do fool ourselves, sometimes into immobility. That's not fun. Tell the truth. Start with yourself. Stop lying to yourself first. Once you see how much better that is, it will be much easier to stop lying to anyone else. -- doug smith

Have you ever said anything that you regretted? That expression "put your foot in your mouth" resonates a bit more when you wear size 13's. I do. And yes, I have sometimes said things that I regretted. Because you know what? When you say something that hurts someone do you know when they'll forget it?  Never. They will never forget it. The damage is done, and just keeps on echoing through the years. That's why I've learned (well, OK, I'm working on it) to pause before saying something with an edge, something with anger, something even passive aggressive. The payoff is bad, and lasts forever. Words meant to hurt are better left unsaid. 'nuff said. -- doug smith

High performance leaders tell the truth. Since that can sometimes be hard, we are often tempted to stretch the truth (in other words, to lie.) While lies can fool people for a while, the truth will inevitably emerge. How will you feel when it does? Telling a lie only proves that you haven't thought of a better answer.  You do have a better answer: the truth. The truth will prevail. Tell the truth. -- doug smith

How often do you get feedback on your performance as a leader? We're all busy. We all have things to tend to. Yet, if we are leading people, how do we know that we are leading with hearts of service and helpfulness? How do we know that our own agendas are not displacing our true mission? We all make mistakes. We all have weak spots. We need someone to let us know when we go off the track and when we miss the mark. Even people of noble character have weak spots in their values. That's why we need feedback and coaching. -- doug smith

Have you ever kept something to yourself and later regretted it? I sure have. Have you ever felt something and failed to share that feeling, even though someone else could benefit from sharing the feeling? Ditto. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. Hiding those mistakes does not erase them. I don't know if you can ever really erase a mistake, but talking about it helps. Get better at talking about it and it will get better. Talk about it. -- doug smith

Sometimes I keep it all to myself. That is seldom a good idea. Better, far better, is to talk about it. Get it out. Share. Listen, pause, think it over, speak. Speak your mind, speak your heart, speak your peace. -- doug smith

Knowing what to say is only valuable if you say it. Say it. -- doug smith

Every conversation is an opportunity to make someone's life better. Take the chance. -- doug smith

Do you want to be influential? Do you want people to support your ideas? People support ideas that support themselves. People can be trusted to look out for their own interest. It's not new, it's not complicated, but it's true and unavoidable. Support people first, and then (maybe) they'll listen. -- doug smith

So you think you understand? How many times have you been wrong? I've been wrong too many times to count, even if I only counted this week. Usually it's about something that I think I understand, but do not. I'm not sure I'll ever understand romantic love, for instance. Just when I think I do, SURPRISE! I'm not sure I'll ever understand why good teams fall apart. We work hard to build them, we make our customers happy, and then one day SURPRISE! our team squeaks and bleeds. To understand keep learning. The facts keep changes. The faces keep changing. Life keeps rearranging. Don't get it yet? Don't worry, just roll up your sleeves and keeping asking questions. Keep the inquiry active and you'll keep moving ahead. One humble step at a time, perhaps, but moving ahead. It's dangerous to pretend we understand...so often we do not. -- doug smith

Have you ever pretended to understand something that someone said, even though you didn't? Maybe it seemed like too much effort. Maybe you were just trying to be polite. I've done it. The quiet smile, the gentle nod, the secret "I've got no idea what you're talking about" whispering in the background. Sure, it takes longer to ask more questions. It requires us to stop in our tracks and LISTEN. But it's worth it. Because it's dangerous to pretend we understand when we don't. Feelings get hurt (I know, I've hurt them.) Ideas get misunderstood (I know, I've misunderstood.) And trusts get broken when we pretend. Today, I'm going to do everything I can to actually understand when someone tells me something important. How about you? And, how do you know it's important? They're telling you! -- doug smith

There are all kinds of hazards a high performance leader must navigate. Competition, customer misunderstandings, difficult hires, troubling team members. But there's one hazard we don't have to fall into and that's the problem of people who do not listen but who try to influence us with their own outrageous opinions. Let them try. We can listen. But, if they do not listen in return, we need to be careful about heeding their hazardous advice. Be careful about following someone who does not listen. They could be lost. -- doug smith

High performance leaders communicate without lying. That's harder than it sounds. So hard, that hardly anyone ever does it. -- doug smith

Would you like another super power? There's a skill that, once you start using effectively, begins to feel like a superpower. You never have to settle for a poor answer again. I learned this from my mentor Andrew Oxley, who taught me "if you don't like the answer to a question, ask a better question." Try it. It takes practice. At first you might run out of questions. But, if you stick with it and work at it you can always, always, always come up with better questions. And if you get stuck, silence can even be your better question. Just don't give in. Just don't give up. Ask better questions. Remember what Andrew Oxley said: If you don't like the answer to a question, ask a better question.  -- doug smith

Do you have trouble saying no? It bothers me sometimes. I want to please people. I want to do what's right. I want to say yes. But, sometimes the answer has to be no. You just can't do everything. Brian Tracey says "your yes is meaningless until your no means NO." Absolutely. People will resist. People will commiserate. But sometimes you need a really firm, truly big NO. To make your "yes" your best yes, make your "no a "hell no." That means no under any circumstances. No completely. No beyond manipulation. Just plain hell no. -- doug smith

Wouldn't it be great to be perfect? Or, maybe it wouldn't. I will never forget seeing a puppet show (yes, I said puppet show) in New York City, many years ago, with the essential flow of dialogue being something like this: "I want to be the very best! The very best best!" "But not too good. Be the best but not the best best!" "I want to be the very best. So good. But not too good." "Because if you were too good, people wouldn't like you." "It's not good to be too good." ...somewhat over and over in that manner -- outright saying that it's possible to be too good. It was funny then. But it wasn't true then and it isn't true now. You probably can't be too good. But, in the pursuit of good (or whatever else you're chasing) it IS possible to be difficult. Haven't we all been difficult? Here's the thing (there's got to be a thing!): we do NOT always realize it when we are being d...

Can you tell when someone is lying to you? Do you call them on it? Do you stay curious enough to explore what's behind what feels like a lie? How about when you catch yourself stretching the truth or simply leaving out an important detail? You're better than that, right? High performance leaders are better than that. You can handle the truth, AND you can deliver the truth. Consistently, insistently, tell the truth. The adjustment from a lie to the truth may be troubling at first but it's eventually liberating. The truth rules. -- doug smith

I don't put much stock in lies, how about you? Because I never want to be lied to, I work my best to avoid lying to others. Leaders communicate for reasons they believe are important. If the result is important enough, it's far better to rely on telling the truth to get there than in fabricating some fantasy that will eventually be discovered. The truth always rises to the top anyway, why not start there? Communicating for results takes an investment in the truth. -- doug smith