Getting Over Being Difficult

Wouldn't it be great to be perfect? Or, maybe it wouldn't. I will never forget seeing a puppet show (yes, I said puppet show) in New York City, many years ago, with the essential flow of dialogue being something like this:

"I want to be the very best! The very best best!"
"But not too good. Be the best but not the best best!"
"I want to be the very best. So good. But not too good."
"Because if you were too good, people wouldn't like you."
"It's not good to be too good."

...somewhat over and over in that manner -- outright saying that it's possible to be too good.

It was funny then. But it wasn't true then and it isn't true now. You probably can't be too good. But, in the pursuit of good (or whatever else you're chasing) it IS possible to be difficult. Haven't we all been difficult?

Here's the thing (there's got to be a thing!): we do NOT always realize it when we are being difficult. It's too difficult. We are wrestling with our own demons and fumbling thru our own malaise and so instead of recognizing the difficulty that we create we blame others for being so blazingly difficult.

That's hard. That's difficult. It makes it difficult to get over being difficult.

We don't want to be too bad because if we're too bad we won't even know how bad we are.

At one time or another we are all difficult people. Some people just get stuck there.

What if we helped them when that happened by asking them to let us know when we were being difficult. Whether or not they think we are being difficult is certainly their perception and may or may not be true. But what if it is? Shouldn't we know?

Here's what I think is the best way to help people stop being difficult. Stop being difficult. Instead, be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. Breathe, and let be.

Of course this is easier said than done. That's why we should probably start as soon as possible.

Create a great day! I'm going to try to make it easier for someone else...

-- doug smith

Comments

At the Root

Why would a happy person ever harm anyone? I don't think that they would. When we are happy, content, and at peace any effort to disturb or harm anyone else will just disturb or harm ourselves as well. When we experience someone trying to disturb or harm us we can be sure that they are already in pain. Fighting back might seem valid, but will it help? What if we helped heal the pain at the root? Difficult people did not become difficult randomly. Something, in need of healing, caused it. -- doug smith

Learn Beyond The Point Of Discomfort

Do you always learn things the first time you try them? If you do, please teach me how you do that! Learning takes the right attitude, the right tools, and the right repetition of trials. We fall off that bike the first time we get on it. We hit a sour note the first time we pick up a horn. We learn by degrees, even when we earn a degree. We seldom learn anything perfectly the first time we try it. Or the second, or the third... Yet we so often stop at the point of competency. That's when the learning has just begun! There is a huge range of learning ahead of and beyond competency. It's the road to mastery. We do not need to master everything. But imagine the joy of mastering what matters to you most. Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that be life-enhancing? And (most important) won't that take more learning than you've already done? -- Doug Smith

Thriving Teams

Thriving leaders thrive as their teams thrive. It's a partnership. It's a deal. It takes constant support and service to sustain a high performance team. Thriving leaders recruit with the enthusiasm they show for their team. People can tell when your team is cohesive, cooperative, and collaborative and people crave that for themselves. Create and support a team that supports each other and others will rally to the cause. You have no weak links. You have no poor performers. You have no superstars. You do have team members who need your guidance and support. That's the role of a leader. -- doug smith

Not Everything Is Possible

If what you want is impossible, want something else. -- doug smith

Work Your Way There

Big goals need little goals to build momentum. -- doug smith

Enjoy AND Improve

Do you enjoy success? If that seems like a silly question (Of COURSE I enjoy success!) think about it from another perspective. Sometimes we can taper down our enjoyment and appreciation of something because we know it's not perfect yet, and how can we be happy if it's not perfect? I do that somethings. It's not helpful. OF COURSE it's not perfect: nothing else and nothing ever will be. There are no perfect people, processes, performances, or plan. If we wait for perfection, we'll just keep waiting (and probably without gaining ground...) Let's do both. Let's enjoy our current level of success and achievement while also working to improve it. Performance must constantly improve, AND we can enjoy our exiting improvements. -- doug smith

Of Course It's Not Easy

It's not the problem that upsets you, it's not getting what you want. Get clarity about what you REALLY want, and then work relentlessly to get it. If it was easy, how much fun would it REALLY be? -- doug smith

Money Isn't Everything

The profit motive is a poor substitute for genuine value. Money isn't everything. It's not even the most important thing. Oh, sure it's incredibly important. As a person who has many times wondered if there would be enough cash to pay the bills, I have come to respect mightily the value of money. But money is transactional. People are more than transactions. What we value most is more than money can buy, is more than a transaction, is a character of depth and peacefulness, and yes, love that is earned, not bought. Think about that for a minute. -- doug smith

It's About The Cause

The art of leadership is keeping the ego out of the play. It's not about you. It's never about you. As a leader, it's about the cause. -- doug smith

Competition AND Collaboration?

There's no avoiding competition -- or at least, when you do avoid it there could be unsavory side-effects if it's there anyway. Even when we prefer, and manage to facilitate collaboration and cooperation INSTEAD of competition there will still be some competition blending into the mix. It's part of who we are. It's largely how we operate. I didn't invent that, I just navigate it. How about you? Whether we are collaborating or competing we should do it with respect. There's no reason to disparage the competition. Calling your competition names just makes you a name-caller. It doesn't make you a better competitor. So go ahead and compete if that's the nature of your game. But mix a bit of collaboration and cooperation in there and see how that improves your results. Your support team just might be larger than you think! -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

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