Getting Over Being Difficult

Wouldn't it be great to be perfect? Or, maybe it wouldn't. I will never forget seeing a puppet show (yes, I said puppet show) in New York City, many years ago, with the essential flow of dialogue being something like this:

"I want to be the very best! The very best best!"
"But not too good. Be the best but not the best best!"
"I want to be the very best. So good. But not too good."
"Because if you were too good, people wouldn't like you."
"It's not good to be too good."

...somewhat over and over in that manner -- outright saying that it's possible to be too good.

It was funny then. But it wasn't true then and it isn't true now. You probably can't be too good. But, in the pursuit of good (or whatever else you're chasing) it IS possible to be difficult. Haven't we all been difficult?

Here's the thing (there's got to be a thing!): we do NOT always realize it when we are being difficult. It's too difficult. We are wrestling with our own demons and fumbling thru our own malaise and so instead of recognizing the difficulty that we create we blame others for being so blazingly difficult.

That's hard. That's difficult. It makes it difficult to get over being difficult.

We don't want to be too bad because if we're too bad we won't even know how bad we are.

At one time or another we are all difficult people. Some people just get stuck there.

What if we helped them when that happened by asking them to let us know when we were being difficult. Whether or not they think we are being difficult is certainly their perception and may or may not be true. But what if it is? Shouldn't we know?

Here's what I think is the best way to help people stop being difficult. Stop being difficult. Instead, be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. Breathe, and let be.

Of course this is easier said than done. That's why we should probably start as soon as possible.

Create a great day! I'm going to try to make it easier for someone else...

-- doug smith

Comments

Let Them See You Work

If you can't seem to hire good performers with a solid work ethic, you might need to develop them. Maybe start by showing them what that looks like, or as John Maxwell has said "Know the way, show the way, and go the way." You know, walk the talk. I know a LOT of leaders who complain about work ethic. Maybe they need to let their people see them work... -- doug smith

Leadership Warning

If you visit the dark side, don't get stuck there. -- doug smith

Careful Expectations

Change agents don't always play by the rules. Expecting them to is the act of a fool. -- doug smith

Celebrate Progress

When was the last time that you were frustrated in trying to learn something? If you can't remember, maybe it's time to learn something new -- something tough and challenging. Truly worthwhile endeavors are often struggles. The satisfaction comes not only in the final result, but also in the progress toward that final result. The best way to avoid a sad let-down once a goal is achieved is to enjoy the journey all the way thru. Celebrate your progress! Not so much that you feel finished, but enough so that you feel able. Celebrate progress, and then keep on progressing. As that beat poet and philosopher Harry X. Tudas once said, "Feel in the groove but continue to improve." -- doug smith

Start Positive

I went thru a grumpy period in my life. It was like a rut that was so deep no light could get in. It fed on its own bumpy grumpiness until that's all I could feel. Yuck. Forget that now. Now, I start with a positive thought. I could be wrong about finding the silver lining, but I've learned that I won't see the silver lining unless I look for it, and that's the place to start. Even the smallest positive effort has a positive impact. Let's start there. -- doug smith

Freedom and Responsibility

Freedom without responsibility produces more harm than good. Responsibility without freedom sparks certain revolution. High performance leaders don't FIND the balance, they CREATE the balance. Start by listening. -- doug smith

Feedback Takes Practice

How good are you at providing feedback? If you're not sure, ask your team members. If you are good at it, they'll tell you. If you're not good at it, then maybe they will and maybe they won't. Feedback does not come easy. Skillful, useful feedback that improves both performance AND self-esteem is a delicate balance of recognizing positives and occasionally providing insights on areas of improvement -- all placed into the context of why it matters. Without the "why" -- why the feedback matters, why the improvement matters, why the performance matters, all the feedback you can muster will only fluster whoever you provide it to. Tell them what they did that was great, ask how they could make it even greater, and share with them why it all makes a difference. Because unless it really makes a difference who cares? Feedback, like any skill, takes practice. -- doug smith

Pro-active Prioritizing

Stop setting goals you don't believe in. They will only slow you down. -- doug smith

Courageous Creativity!

Others might fear your creativity, but you don't need to. Stay courageous, stay creative, stay compassionate, stay clear. Sing your song no matter who listens! -- doug smith

Building Discipline

It would be easy to skip my morning, or afternoon, or evening push-ups. Heck, I did skip them for most of my life. But regular exercise is a discipline that won't do itself. We don't have to like or enjoy discipline-building habits in order to need them. The drills prove, over and over, that we do. Start small if you need to, but definitely start. -- doug smith

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