High Performance Leadership

Bold assertion here, but here goes. The truth is always incomplete. We simply can't know all of the facts all of the time with 100% certainty, especially considering that the truth is filtered by our perspective. You likely believe some things that you didn't previously believe. Most of us do. We get more information, and what we see (and experience) as the truth shifts. As my friend and fraternity brother, David Spiegel might say, "shift happens." Clarity is essential for high performance leaders. A muddled message translates to a troubled team. But clarity is not necessarily fixed.  To speak with clarity tell the truth while remaining curious about what the truth is. Even people on the road to perfection (especially people traveling in that direction) should keep learning. As a recovering know-it-all you can be sure that I will tell you once I have figured out the absolute truth. I'll be wrong, of course. What do you think? -- doug smith

When we declare that something is true, it is because we tend to believe that it is true (unless we are deliberately lying). And, it may well be true, but what if we're wrong? Leaders are often wrong. Even high performance leaders. Here's one way to navigate that.  Instead of telling someone my truth is absolute, I will ask them to think about it. What if? Maybe we don't have to convince people immediately. Maybe we'll be more influential if they believe that they can think it over. What do you think? -- doug smith

Are some life lessons harder on you than others? The hardest of course are those that damage you -- falling victim and learning not to be a victim, getting dominated and either building strength or embracing servitude -- lessons that we don't necessarily choose because they choose us. A lesson that chose me was this: people seldom keep their promises. Even the people I have felt the closest to have broken promises. Even people who swore on legal oaths (and yes, even on a Bible) have broken promises. And, of course, I have broken promises. Hard lessons all.  Why do we break our promises? Because they are so very hard to keep. They bind us. They restrict us. They surrender us to the word and well-being of another or others and as a result it feels as if our own freedom diminishes. We just aren't wired to give that stuff up easily. But we sure do promise it easily. People make promises they have no earthly chance of keeping and often no conscious intention of keeping. That's a...

  How many times a year do you think you've been cheated? A dollar here, a dollar there...a promise or two down the road...we so often tell little lies and cheat just a little to try to get what we want. But as any cheater knows, anything obtained by cheating is temporary at best. People find out, and when they do, the pay-back far exceeds the benefit. When we cheat, other people are harmed of course, but worse perhaps is that we are also harmed. Our character, our word, our integrity, our peace of mind are all compromised by cutting corners or telling "innocent" lies. There are no innocent lies. When we cheat others, we cheat ourselves more. No more cheating. We're better than that. -- doug smith

Dissonance is the start of the search for truth. -- doug smith 

You don't have to believe someone's truth to believe that it's their truth. There's no cost to understanding. -- doug smith

  One of the worst things I've ever done, and I do hope to get forgiveness on this sometime, is to give someone the "silent treatment." In anger, in frustration, in doubt, in fear, I've kept silent when someone needed to hear something very important. It might have been assurance. It might have been an explanation. It might have been encouragement. Maybe it was just the quiet humble truth. Why did I do that (and honestly, why so many times?) There is no reward. Withholding carries its own punishment: the unresolved, the unexplained, the unbound. Tell the truth. Tell it right away. Your heart needs the feeling, and your head needs the truth. -- doug smith

  Every day your truth is tested so you might as well make it true. -- doug smith

  The truth won't get you in trouble unless it's meant to hurt someone. And then, trouble is certain. High performance leaders tell the truth. -- doug smith

Who do we lie to the most? Ourselves.  The answer is so easy that every time I ask a group of people at a workshop or webinar it's the first thing they say. We lie to ourselves the most.  "I'm not good enough...fast enough...young enough...good-looking enough...smart enough..." Nonsense. You are enough. We are enough.  So, why lie to ourselves? We're so good at it that we really do fool ourselves, sometimes into immobility. That's not fun. Tell the truth. Start with yourself. Stop lying to yourself first. Once you see how much better that is, it will be much easier to stop lying to anyone else. -- doug smith

True story: when I was much younger I was known to tell a tale or two. They were usually rooted in reality, but I'd embellish the truth to make it more interesting. Like that story I'd tell about my trip to McSorley's in New York when I ran into John Lennon. We had a nice conversation. Except, he wasn't there. I thought of him, and he lived in New York at the time, but seriously was much more likely to be on the other side of town. Go figure. How many times did I tell that tale? Maybe once or twice. Once to my best friend at the time. Did she believe me? Not if she knew me well enough... How about you? Do your fish stories end up with bigger fish than you actually caught? Do you augment reality with some great tales? I got a great gift last December from one of my good friends and fraternity brother, David Spiegel. It's a coffee mug with the saying "Keep telling the stories" written on it. I love it. I don't think that he meant "tell tales." ...

High performance leaders tell the truth. Since that can sometimes be hard, we are often tempted to stretch the truth (in other words, to lie.) While lies can fool people for a while, the truth will inevitably emerge. How will you feel when it does? Telling a lie only proves that you haven't thought of a better answer.  You do have a better answer: the truth. The truth will prevail. Tell the truth. -- doug smith

High performance leaders communicate without lying. That's harder than it sounds. So hard, that hardly anyone ever does it. -- doug smith

Everyone will lie to you. The two key questions are: how will you know, and how will you respond? -- doug smith

Can you tell when someone is lying to you? Do you call them on it? Do you stay curious enough to explore what's behind what feels like a lie? How about when you catch yourself stretching the truth or simply leaving out an important detail? You're better than that, right? High performance leaders are better than that. You can handle the truth, AND you can deliver the truth. Consistently, insistently, tell the truth. The adjustment from a lie to the truth may be troubling at first but it's eventually liberating. The truth rules. -- doug smith

One of the biggest mistakes I've made, many times, was assuming that someone agreed with me. That's a dangerous practice. It feels easier to agree. It just isn't always the agreement we think we have. High performance leaders constantly clarify the truth. They clarify meaning. The granular details reveal the truth. Abstractions keep us smiling and nodding. Clear communication sparks the awareness needed to see true disagreement. Disagreement can be the start to understanding, and without understanding there can be no true agreement. The more clearly we communicate the more likely it is that someone will disagree with us. Then we know where we stand, and the direction we need to move. -- doug smith

Lies. Half-truths. Broken promises. Deceit. Distorting the truth. Hiding the truth. Secrets. We all lie, but we don't all have to lie. We can choose the truth. We can be polite, respectful, kind, and still tell the truth. Every lie breaks a promise. Tell the truth. -- doug smith

You know how easy it is to lie. When people are quiet about it, it might even seem as if you can get away with it. Without a confrontation, who is to say what is truth anyway? Somewhere, deep in your heart, you know better than that. High performance leaders cannot afford lies. They cannot afford having lies told to them -- the lies must be exposed. And, they cannot afford telling them -- because the lies WILL be exposed. I have said it many times and I believe it firmly: the truth will always bubble to the top. It might take a long, long time but every lie will eventually be exposed. The truth emerges. When it does, high performance leaders feel good about having stayed with the truth. No spinning. No fibbing. No lies of omission, commission, or submission. Your team is relying on you to tell the truth. (oh, and they will find out if you do -- or don't..." -- doug smith

Do you make a lot of promises? Leaders with credibility keep their promises. To keep their promises, high performance leaders prevent themselves from over-promising. Not too many promises. No promises too large. Tell the truth. Stretch yourself, but don't break yourself and for goodness sake don't break your word. We should make few promises because they are so hard to keep. No one wants to hear "I tried." We're listening for, "Yes, I did." -- doug smith

Why do people shy away from the truth? Lately, I've been telling my workshop participants that they can handle the truth, and that starting right away they can tell the truth in ways that other people can also handle it. What's the alternative? We tell so many lies. We cover up so much useful information. We deceive so many people, but always temporarily because the truth will always bubble to the top. Why not stay on the high road to begin with? -- doug smith