Leading Relationships

While looking for something else, l found this quote:

"Appreciate you without judging. Join you without invading, Invite you
without demanding. Leave you without guilt."
-- Virginia Satir

It reminded me that part of a leader's role is in leading relationships. That's not the same as directing or controlling them. Leading relationships has more to do with taking personal responsibility for what you bring to a relationship -- whether that's at work, in the community, at home...anywhere. Relationships can not be taken for granted. To truly lead, we must remain attentive to the kinds of relationships we are co-creating.

Appreciate you without judging

We don't always have the answer, but we usually think that we do. Effective leaders listen with their whole being. We bring our soul to the game. We wait to be touched before reaching out to correct. We appreciate and allow for differences. Courageous leaders correct dangerous situations, but hold back from judging when the risk is only to our own egos.

Join you without invading

To collaborate, to co-create, leaders must forge the kinds of relationships where we share space, energy, time, and consideration. We connect. But we allow that connecting to be mutually beneficial, mutually wanted, and mutually nurtured. It's not about us. It's about US.

Invite you without demanding

Leaders must become masters of influence without becoming masters of manipulation. Do you see the difference? Isn't the most effective influence more of an invitation than a command? People will naturally resist commands, creating a constant need for ever more stringent commands until revolution topples the authority. That's not best for leadership. High performance leaders create invitations that are irresistible because those invitations include the fingerprints of many people.

Leave you without guilt

I'm not sure what Dr. Satir meant by this (and if you are I'm interested in hearing from you) but it seems that it could be to create a relationship so full, so strong, so compassionate, so creative, and so clear that upon parting there is no remorse. Leaders should do no harm, especially in their relationships. While it may sadden me to part company from you, I hope to be able to do so knowing that our work and living and sharing together has been full, satisfying, and complete.

Relationships are not just the key to leadership success, they are the key to our very happiness.

How will you care for your relationships today?

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Comments

Measures Matter

Some people measure quantify first and quality later. Some people measure money first and impact to the team later (not even second!). How you measure productivity might determine your character and your reputation. Put people first. -- doug smith

New Ideas

New ideas won't break you but they can make you bigger. -- doug smith

What You Need

Use what you've learned to become what you need. -- doug smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

For example

Get good at something that won't obsolete itself. For example: emotional intelligence creating great conversations encouraging people leadership What would you add to the list? Which ones are you developing? -- doug smith

Show Up!

"You've got to be there. Big decisions are being made!" my former boss told me a long time ago. "If your voice is in the room you might be heard..." It was good advice then and it still is. Show up. When there's a goal you're working on and an opportunity appears to advance that goal -- show up. When changes are being made that will affect you -- show up! When it matters to you -- show up. You won't always get what you want by showing up, but you never will if you don't! -- doug smith

The Problem With Compromises

Think about the last time you compromised on something. Whether it was a big compromise or a little compromise, how do you feel about it now? While we often call it "meet in the middle" it seldom does. Compromises are not automatically fair, no matter how implied that fairness is. Someone usually gets more out of a compromise than the person they are "compromising" with. If the low end is you, you don't like it -- and you remember that. If the top end of the compromise is you, you probably forget all about it even though the inequity simmers in the background. Compromises must be constantly revisited because they are inevitably unfair. If you get the chance to balance things out, your relationship will prosper. If you miss that chance, the relationship will suffer. What's your choice? -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership Combination

We can rationalize anything without making it justified. Leaders should always ask: who is this good for other than me? High performance leadership does NOT mean performance at any cost. It means performance that serves a noble cause while also benefiting people. High performance leadership is a combination. Results without relationships are shallow and temporary. Take care of both, and you'll be a high performance leader. -- doug smith

Decide

What do you want? Are you getting what you want? Intention is direction. Decide. And, then go. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

Search This Blog