Leading Relationships

While looking for something else, l found this quote:

"Appreciate you without judging. Join you without invading, Invite you
without demanding. Leave you without guilt."
-- Virginia Satir

It reminded me that part of a leader's role is in leading relationships. That's not the same as directing or controlling them. Leading relationships has more to do with taking personal responsibility for what you bring to a relationship -- whether that's at work, in the community, at home...anywhere. Relationships can not be taken for granted. To truly lead, we must remain attentive to the kinds of relationships we are co-creating.

Appreciate you without judging

We don't always have the answer, but we usually think that we do. Effective leaders listen with their whole being. We bring our soul to the game. We wait to be touched before reaching out to correct. We appreciate and allow for differences. Courageous leaders correct dangerous situations, but hold back from judging when the risk is only to our own egos.

Join you without invading

To collaborate, to co-create, leaders must forge the kinds of relationships where we share space, energy, time, and consideration. We connect. But we allow that connecting to be mutually beneficial, mutually wanted, and mutually nurtured. It's not about us. It's about US.

Invite you without demanding

Leaders must become masters of influence without becoming masters of manipulation. Do you see the difference? Isn't the most effective influence more of an invitation than a command? People will naturally resist commands, creating a constant need for ever more stringent commands until revolution topples the authority. That's not best for leadership. High performance leaders create invitations that are irresistible because those invitations include the fingerprints of many people.

Leave you without guilt

I'm not sure what Dr. Satir meant by this (and if you are I'm interested in hearing from you) but it seems that it could be to create a relationship so full, so strong, so compassionate, so creative, and so clear that upon parting there is no remorse. Leaders should do no harm, especially in their relationships. While it may sadden me to part company from you, I hope to be able to do so knowing that our work and living and sharing together has been full, satisfying, and complete.

Relationships are not just the key to leadership success, they are the key to our very happiness.

How will you care for your relationships today?

-- Douglas Brent Smith

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Get Going!

What goal are you working on? Maybe you don't spend every minute of every day working on your goals. I certainly don't. But when I do work on my goals they propel me forward. They get me going. Find your favorite goal. Work on it. Even if you start with the smallest task. Put one task after the other like little steps leading to a lofty elevation. Goals get us going. Because standing still goes nowhere. -- Doug Smith

Now Means Now

How do you feel when someone says that they will do something right away, and then they don't? When I say "now!" I mean immediately, and without over-thinking. never under estimate the temptation to overthink (I think I just did!) When is now? How about now? -- Doug smith Looking for leadership training? That's what I do: doug smith training

Power In Your Foundation

Where do you start? When you're building a team. When you're starting a project. When your developing a career. When you bonding a relationship. Build a strong enough foundation and your subsequent mistakes won't matter. Take the time to create the agreements, the conditions, the promises that you keep. Take the time to steady the ship and the waves won't matter. Sure, problems will bother you. Certainly, mistakes will sometimes hurt. But that strong foundation that you build creates resiliency that will see you through. Why not build for the long, long term? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Promise and then Deliver

Be careful what you promise to gain a new customer. They are only new for a day. After that, expectations continue even if you forget your promise. Be careful what you promise. Do you have what you need to give your customers what they want? Because probably, what they want, is what you've promised. -- doug smith

More Than Convenience

This is probably get some disagreement. We've come to rely so much on one particular trait of business, probably even more than price. Convenience. We make so many decisions based on how EASY a transaction is. It's so much EASIER than ever before and we've all been spoiled by click-and-ship that anything with any friction whatsoever gets passed over. That's an understandable decision, but not always the best one. Convenience is great, but no substitute for quality. Hamburgers are convenient but wouldn't you rather eat a steak? (please excuse me my vegetarian and vegan friends.) Social media is convenient but how about the depth and richness of a long face to face conversation with a dear friend? I advocate that we consider other measures in our important decisions. Measures other than convenience: Quality Durability Care Beauty Drama What would you add to the list? Convenience is a poor measure of quality. Let's consider everything else that makes business -- a...

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Disagreement Clarifies

One of the biggest mistakes I've made, many times, was assuming that someone agreed with me. That's a dangerous practice. It feels easier to agree. It just isn't always the agreement we think we have. High performance leaders constantly clarify the truth. They clarify meaning. The granular details reveal the truth. Abstractions keep us smiling and nodding. Clear communication sparks the awareness needed to see true disagreement. Disagreement can be the start to understanding, and without understanding there can be no true agreement. The more clearly we communicate the more likely it is that someone will disagree with us. Then we know where we stand, and the direction we need to move. -- doug smith

The Benefits of Supervisory Training

When was the last time you had any leadership training? How often do the supervisors in your organization get training? If you are like most organizations, it's never enough. Some teams go without any supervisory training at all and expect supervisors and managers to learn as they go, on the job. Unfortunately, while it is memorable to learn from your mistakes, it comes at a high cost. People get tired. People leave. Important accounts go away. Customers complain. And teams struggle without the skills and knowledge it takes to build cohesive teams that are capable of solving problems, improving performance and achieving goals. Admittedly, I can be expected to support training since I'm in the business. Still, take a closer look at your own leadership career and decide for yourself. Are leaders better off with more training and development or with less? Supervisory training can generate benefits that pay off long after the training is over. Here are just a few of the things sup...

Solving Problems Requires The Courage to Tell The Truth

Can a problem be so tough that we deceive ourselves about solving it? In any problem there is a temptation to soften the edges, smooth the rough spots, to paint a better picture than we see. Sometimes we take sides and spin the truth in favor of our side, even when that contributes to a conflict or problem. We can do better than that. Solving problems together requires the courage to tell the truth as you see it. Not our version of the truth. Not our ideal of the truth. The truth as it exists, weak spots and all. If we want to clearly analyze a problem, we must be willing to see, and tell the truth. -- Douglas Brent Smith

Focus on Process

Fix the situation and let people be who they are. As much as you might want to change them, that's not your business. They are doing what they think is right, even if it is horribly wrong. Turn around the situation and watch them rotate, too. -- doug smith

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