I'm Sorry Is Not Enough

Dorinda and I watched Lance Armstrong confess to doping. Oprah did her usual great job of inquiring without judging, and yet asking questions so frank, so disarming that Lance simply answered them in what appeared to be his most honest approach. He may be sorry. I'm not here to judge. But sometimes he didn't seem completely sorry, and was not prepared to do much but talk about it.

This is topical and someday we may all forget about Mr. Armstrong's disgrace and his apologies. I mention this because it has become expected that famous people, flawed like the rest of us, who commit terrible indiscretions or hurt other people at some point do their public very sincere apology and expect that all be forgiven. Or, at least forgotten enough so that they can continue to do what they do and prosper. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Either way the damage has been done. Saying "I'm sorry" rings a little hollow and lands incomplete. Those harmed remain harmed.

"I'm sorry" is not enough. We learn from 12 step programs that whenever it does not create more harm to do so, we owe the people we have harmed an amends. We need to make it right. We need to pay them back, perhaps three-fold or more, for the harm that we have done. If we stole $100, we should pay them back in a value of $300 or more. It's not easy. It's deeper than words. It's more lasting and more significant.

As high performance leaders it is easy to overstep our boundaries. In the name of results we can harm others, sometimes mistakingly and sometimes through a narcissistic oversight. That's one reason we need feedback from trusted confidents as well as from people we might not really want feedback from but who will give us completely unfiltered insights into our behavior.

And when we do cross the line, when we do harm, we need to make it right. Saying "I'm sorry" is not enough. Compassion is wonderful, and sometimes a great start toward justice.

Think about someone you've wronged. Is there a way that you can make it up to them today without re-harming the in any way? And, if not them, can you make it right to the universe? Show the courage that it takes to make amends.

Try it. See how much more authentic that is than simply saying "I'm sorry"...

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Five Lessons From Lance Armstrong's Failure

Comments

Busy

What to do? High performance leaders prioritize based on mission, vision, values, and goals -- of course! And also, we prioritize based on what will just plain do some good. What's the point in leading unless it is to make a better world? There are enough needs in the world to keep everyone busy improving things. Keep going! -- doug smith

Money Isn't Everything

The profit motive is a poor substitute for genuine value. Money isn't everything. It's not even the most important thing. Oh, sure it's incredibly important. As a person who has many times wondered if there would be enough cash to pay the bills, I have come to respect mightily the value of money. But money is transactional. People are more than transactions. What we value most is more than money can buy, is more than a transaction, is a character of depth and peacefulness, and yes, love that is earned, not bought. Think about that for a minute. -- doug smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Show Integrity

The goals we seek bring a lot of pull to them. We get wrapped in them. It's useful and it's powerful when we care about our goals so much that they propel us forward and keep us working even when we're tired, beyond the boundaries of our usual limitations. But they should not take us beyond the boundaries of our usual values. They should not trick us into bending the rules just because the rules are in the way. Truly high performance leaders of character who are focused, and centered, and noble maintain integrity. No cheating is ever worth the outcome. Integrity is so rare that many people don't even recognize. If you do, be thankful. We need leaders like you. To truly understand integrity you've got to keep it. Even when it's hard. Even the lines are blurred. -- doug smith

Search and Improve

Sometimes we do things a certain way because we've always done things a certain way. It's easy, it's comfortable, it's probably inadequate and it can certainly be improved. Finding the right process powers your productivity. Better performance starts with better processes. For the next twenty-four hours, pay attention to each process you engage with, and ponder how you might make that process better or, find another better one altogether. -- doug smith

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Measures Matter

Some people measure quantify first and quality later. Some people measure money first and impact to the team later (not even second!). How you measure productivity might determine your character and your reputation. Put people first. -- doug smith

Start With Kindness

When you start with kindness you don't have to stay there, but you probably will. It works better for others. It works better for you. If you're human, you'll probably relapse. It does take practice to stay the course. The course starts by starting. When you start with kindness, it becomes more naturally the way. High performance leadership develops from the core leadership strengths of clarity, creativity, courage, and compassion. Build one of those strengths today thru some act of kindness and the others will get stronger as well. -- doug smith

Growing

Mountains never stop growing; why should we? It came as a surprise to me to learn that the Rocky Mountains are still growing. Trimmed a bit by years of erosion, they are still poking their way skyward and changing in the direction of growth. As leaders we find ourselves faced with the dynamic between growth and erosion, life and decay. Standing still leads to the less desirable choice. Growth requires our attention, our efforts, our drive. Growth requires the courage to step forward, the creativity to find new ways of dealing with challenges, the clarity of purpose to know which direction you are growing in and the compassion to forgive those who slow you down. What are you doing to spark your leadership growth today? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Service Problems

The problem with bad service is that it creates bad customers. Solve your service problem or the problem customers will multiply. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

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