I'm Sorry Is Not Enough

Dorinda and I watched Lance Armstrong confess to doping. Oprah did her usual great job of inquiring without judging, and yet asking questions so frank, so disarming that Lance simply answered them in what appeared to be his most honest approach. He may be sorry. I'm not here to judge. But sometimes he didn't seem completely sorry, and was not prepared to do much but talk about it.

This is topical and someday we may all forget about Mr. Armstrong's disgrace and his apologies. I mention this because it has become expected that famous people, flawed like the rest of us, who commit terrible indiscretions or hurt other people at some point do their public very sincere apology and expect that all be forgiven. Or, at least forgotten enough so that they can continue to do what they do and prosper. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Either way the damage has been done. Saying "I'm sorry" rings a little hollow and lands incomplete. Those harmed remain harmed.

"I'm sorry" is not enough. We learn from 12 step programs that whenever it does not create more harm to do so, we owe the people we have harmed an amends. We need to make it right. We need to pay them back, perhaps three-fold or more, for the harm that we have done. If we stole $100, we should pay them back in a value of $300 or more. It's not easy. It's deeper than words. It's more lasting and more significant.

As high performance leaders it is easy to overstep our boundaries. In the name of results we can harm others, sometimes mistakingly and sometimes through a narcissistic oversight. That's one reason we need feedback from trusted confidents as well as from people we might not really want feedback from but who will give us completely unfiltered insights into our behavior.

And when we do cross the line, when we do harm, we need to make it right. Saying "I'm sorry" is not enough. Compassion is wonderful, and sometimes a great start toward justice.

Think about someone you've wronged. Is there a way that you can make it up to them today without re-harming the in any way? And, if not them, can you make it right to the universe? Show the courage that it takes to make amends.

Try it. See how much more authentic that is than simply saying "I'm sorry"...

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Five Lessons From Lance Armstrong's Failure

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Get Going!

What goal are you working on? Maybe you don't spend every minute of every day working on your goals. I certainly don't. But when I do work on my goals they propel me forward. They get me going. Find your favorite goal. Work on it. Even if you start with the smallest task. Put one task after the other like little steps leading to a lofty elevation. Goals get us going. Because standing still goes nowhere. -- Doug Smith

Start With Decisions

Do you share leadership? The most powerful teams share leadership responsibilities AND attitude. When you develop a team where people feel empowered to take charge, take responsibility, and take ownership you then no longer need to do all the difficult work. Delegation becomes easier. Collaboration feels more natural. Start with decisions. It's fast and easy as a leader to make all of the big decisions, but when you include your team in the conversations it takes to gain mutually shared understandings and collaborative decisions, you no longer have to "sell" your decisions --- people simply know what you as a team have decided and act accordingly. No passive aggressive resistance, no passengers on your team "bus" -- just fully engaged team members. Start with collaborative decisions. The rest will be much easier. -- Doug Smith

Promise and then Deliver

Be careful what you promise to gain a new customer. They are only new for a day. After that, expectations continue even if you forget your promise. Be careful what you promise. Do you have what you need to give your customers what they want? Because probably, what they want, is what you've promised. -- doug smith

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Don't Jump!

I do it. You've probably done it, too. It gets us into trouble misinterpreting and reaching false conclusions. Slow down. Ease up from that jump. Stop that jump to conclusions and you'll avoid many big falls. -- doug smith

Now Means Now

How do you feel when someone says that they will do something right away, and then they don't? When I say "now!" I mean immediately, and without over-thinking. never under estimate the temptation to overthink (I think I just did!) When is now? How about now? -- Doug smith Looking for leadership training? That's what I do: doug smith training

Life Never Stops Teaching

Which learning curve are you climbing? The lessons keep coming. When we keep growing, our energy sparks with new creativity, new courage, new compassion, and new clarity. When we keep growing, life's adventure brings more smiles than troubles. High performance leaders make it a point to keep learning. That means taking on the tough assignments. That means listening to the needs of your team and building on their ideas. That means constantly debriefing, decoding, and deciding. There's a lesson in all of this somewhere. Centered leaders find the lesson and grow. Life never stops teaching. What have you learned today? -- Doug Smith

Focused Truth

Focused leaders have zero time for inauthentic messages. They tell the truth unconditionally and insist on the truth consistently. Be a leader who can handle the truth. Be a leader who tells the truth. -- doug smith

Solving Problems and Perspective

Have you noticed how much our ability to solve problems relies on our perspective? Sometimes we get too tight to think. Sometimes our thinking is so narrow that even the walls seem to close in on us as we struggle with a persistent problem. It costs almost nothing to take a fifteen and think it over. Talk with a trusted friend. Maybe the conversation will be about the problem at hand or maybe it will be about something else. Take a break. Many problems look smaller after a cup of coffee and a friendly conversation. Isn't it worth a try? -- Douglas Brent Smith Workshops and Teleclasses for Front Line Supervisors

Explore Perspectives

When you find yourself locked in conflict, suspend your competitive edge long enough to discover what people in the conflict really want. For many of us, the natural reaction to conflict is to become more competitive. We prepare ourselves to fight to the finish and behave as if victory must be one sided (and of course, must be ours alone). As Doctors Thomas and Kilmann have pointed out in their influential work on conflict, we have more choices than that. We can always choose to compete if necessary. But first, what if there's an opportunity to build relationships? What if there's an opportunity to collaborate? Isn't it worth taking a moment to step back and find out? Breathe. Relax. Look at the situation from a more impartial distance. Ask meaningful questions with genuine curiosity and an open mind. It's that important. -- Doug Smith http://frontrangeleadership.com For a useful Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes Instrument in PDF form: http://www....

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