How I Avoided Becoming a Wuss

How I Avoided Becoming a Wuss - By David Spiegel

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."

Joseph Campbell

Responding to my email from yesterday, I heard from a dear friend. She commented "Loved this thought for the day!".

It made me smile.

It also gave me pause to remember how and when she and I first met. We were freshmen together entering college, away from the comfort and safety of our parents homes. We had the same major at the time, music.

It was during those early days of being on my own, that I chose to pledge a fraternity. I truly believe this experience was a significant part of me becoming the person I am and not the wuss that I could have been.

This was not what anyone would consider the party animal or jock mentality frat that you often see portrayed in movies. It was however a place where the notion that you stand up to a challenge, rather than run away from one became part of who I am.

It would have been easy to spend my college days anonymously,getting by and following a path that some "adult" laid out for me. Instead I chose not only the road less taken, I often chose the road that had not been ventured down at all. The fraternity and the young men who would become my brothers, played a big role in that Journey.

I have played and coached in a lot of sports over the years. In wrestling, I learned to put on my headgear, walk confidently to the middle of the mat, shake hands firmly with my opponent, looking him straight in the eye, acknowledge the ref and then have at it.

It didn't matter that with in seconds I often ended up flat on my back staring at the ceiling.

It didn't matter to me that my opponent had been the district champ a year earlier.

It didn't matter that he was undefeated and had just been named athlete of the week.

Look him straight in the eye, shake his hand and wait for the whistle.

What did matter was that no matter how often (and believe me it was quite often) I ended up staring at that ceiling, when it was over I popped back up, walked upright to the middle of the mat and shook hands with my foe once again looking him straight in the eye.

It's called character.

The frat experience, hazing and all, solidified that character building. Life is not always easy.

Soft is no way to go through life. You get bumped and bruised along the way. You shake it off, you dust yourself off and then you get back in the game, the game of life. All the while standing tall and looking at whatever is in front of you squarely in the eye.

That's a big part of this game of life.

When I think of how I want to show up for that game, I am reminded of my first football coach saying "gentlemen, when it's game day, it's time to pull up your jockstrap, stick you hand in the dirt and have at it!"

Building character.

That's how you avoid becoming a wuss.

-- David Spiegel

Comments

Busy

What to do? High performance leaders prioritize based on mission, vision, values, and goals -- of course! And also, we prioritize based on what will just plain do some good. What's the point in leading unless it is to make a better world? There are enough needs in the world to keep everyone busy improving things. Keep going! -- doug smith

Money Isn't Everything

The profit motive is a poor substitute for genuine value. Money isn't everything. It's not even the most important thing. Oh, sure it's incredibly important. As a person who has many times wondered if there would be enough cash to pay the bills, I have come to respect mightily the value of money. But money is transactional. People are more than transactions. What we value most is more than money can buy, is more than a transaction, is a character of depth and peacefulness, and yes, love that is earned, not bought. Think about that for a minute. -- doug smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Show Integrity

The goals we seek bring a lot of pull to them. We get wrapped in them. It's useful and it's powerful when we care about our goals so much that they propel us forward and keep us working even when we're tired, beyond the boundaries of our usual limitations. But they should not take us beyond the boundaries of our usual values. They should not trick us into bending the rules just because the rules are in the way. Truly high performance leaders of character who are focused, and centered, and noble maintain integrity. No cheating is ever worth the outcome. Integrity is so rare that many people don't even recognize. If you do, be thankful. We need leaders like you. To truly understand integrity you've got to keep it. Even when it's hard. Even the lines are blurred. -- doug smith

Search and Improve

Sometimes we do things a certain way because we've always done things a certain way. It's easy, it's comfortable, it's probably inadequate and it can certainly be improved. Finding the right process powers your productivity. Better performance starts with better processes. For the next twenty-four hours, pay attention to each process you engage with, and ponder how you might make that process better or, find another better one altogether. -- doug smith

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Measures Matter

Some people measure quantify first and quality later. Some people measure money first and impact to the team later (not even second!). How you measure productivity might determine your character and your reputation. Put people first. -- doug smith

Start With Kindness

When you start with kindness you don't have to stay there, but you probably will. It works better for others. It works better for you. If you're human, you'll probably relapse. It does take practice to stay the course. The course starts by starting. When you start with kindness, it becomes more naturally the way. High performance leadership develops from the core leadership strengths of clarity, creativity, courage, and compassion. Build one of those strengths today thru some act of kindness and the others will get stronger as well. -- doug smith

Growing

Mountains never stop growing; why should we? It came as a surprise to me to learn that the Rocky Mountains are still growing. Trimmed a bit by years of erosion, they are still poking their way skyward and changing in the direction of growth. As leaders we find ourselves faced with the dynamic between growth and erosion, life and decay. Standing still leads to the less desirable choice. Growth requires our attention, our efforts, our drive. Growth requires the courage to step forward, the creativity to find new ways of dealing with challenges, the clarity of purpose to know which direction you are growing in and the compassion to forgive those who slow you down. What are you doing to spark your leadership growth today? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Service Problems

The problem with bad service is that it creates bad customers. Solve your service problem or the problem customers will multiply. -- doug smith

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