High Performance Leadership

Freedom without responsibility produces more harm than good. Responsibility without freedom sparks certain revolution.  High performance leaders don't FIND the balance, they CREATE the balance. Start by listening. -- doug smith

Have you ever pretended to understand something that someone said, even though you didn't? Maybe it seemed like too much effort. Maybe you were just trying to be polite. I've done it. The quiet smile, the gentle nod, the secret "I've got no idea what you're talking about" whispering in the background. Sure, it takes longer to ask more questions. It requires us to stop in our tracks and LISTEN. But it's worth it. Because it's dangerous to pretend we understand when we don't. Feelings get hurt (I know, I've hurt them.) Ideas get misunderstood (I know, I've misunderstood.) And trusts get broken when we pretend. Today, I'm going to do everything I can to actually understand when someone tells me something important. How about you? And, how do you know it's important? They're telling you! -- doug smith

In every workshop I facilitate - every one - I share this important piece of wisdom from one of my mentors, Andrew Oxley: "if you don't like the answer to a question, ask a better question." That's profound. That's powerful. That's endlessly useful. Often, people will struggle with that. Sometimes they ask, "How do you ask better questions? What if you can't think of one?" Here's the answer. Ask with curiosity and you'll think of better questions. Stay curious, my friend. -- doug smith

I'm not big on screamers. Too noisy. Unnecessary. Let's just talk about it. But, let's think for a moment about what is behind a screamer's screams. What's missing that seems to make screaming necessary? What is going on that has eliminated other more rational choices and made screaming feel like a sensible plan? Screaming is not a sensible plan. Screaming is not a great strategy. What if it's all someone has? What if we can stop screaming by listening while the volume is low? What if we did a better job about being clear in our expectations? Maybe a screamer just wants to be heard. -- doug smith

Sometimes we have to listen as if there is a test to follow. There is. Are you listening? -- doug smith

I often quote Susan Scott ("Fierce Conversations") who said, "Let silence do the heavy lifting." It's powerfully useful. Those awkward silences are times to think, times to process, times to remain curious. Today I'd like to add this: We rush to fill the silence. We awkwardly walk away. We miss the silent opportunity. It's not a time to hurry, it's a time to remain mindful. Be there. Process. Listen. Silence is too powerful to waste. Use the gift that it brings. -- doug smith

Do you send a lot of messages? I see people who broadcast hundreds of tweets a month. Dozens a day. Sending, sending, sending, I truly wonder if they read anyone else's messages. Are they paying attention? Are they listening? What about your people? Are they listening? A million messages a minute won't matter if they aren't listening. You can teach them how...just, listen. -- doug smith

Where does leadership communication start? Is it in what you say? Is it in how you project your leadership presence? I think leadership communication starts with listening. Listening to your customers. Listening to your team members. Listening to your peers. Think about how short on supply we all are on listening. People talk all day long, broadcast their message, sell their wares...but how often do we each truly felt listened to. Listen carefully. Listen with curiosity. Listen without judging. Start with listening. -- Doug Smith

"The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen." -- Roy Moody How would your work and your life be different if everyone you encountered listened carefully, compassionately, and attentively to each other? It seems so simple, yet it's not. Listening takes focus. Listening takes attention. Listening positively takes curiosity. How curious are you when you listen? Here's what I'm working on: listening without judging. I remember a time when I had an answer to every question, an opinion to every view, and something to say in any situation. I wasn't wise enough to know that smart wasn't always enough. We need to listen. Listening is a gift as profound as any you might give today. Who will you give that free yet awesome gift? -- Doug Smith

photo of Rusty by Judi Madigan How curious are you? In my workshops on communication and achieving your goals I point out how important it is to listen with curiosity. We are most attentive when we are most curious. Instead of jumping to conclusions or judging before it's necessary, high performance leaders center their listening around staying curious. How do you do that? One way is by asking relevant questions. One of my mentors, Lester T. Shapiro (who wrote the book  The Training Effectiveness Handbook ) once said that the primary role of leaders is to ask relevant questions. Here are some questions that I've found extremely relevant and that help me to remain curious: What is your case? We are always building a case and  not  always aware of the case that we're building or why. It might not even serve our best interests, and yet we can talk ourselves into anything. Stay curious about what you really want, what you think you want and (most importantly) ...

If you asked just about anyone what's the most important component to better communication what do you think they'd say? What do you say? I think it's listening. No matter what we say, if we don't skillfully listen to what we are receiving in connection with our intentions, our efforts are less than optimal. There have been times when I've had so much to say that it seems like I just don't stop talking. On and on I ramble with passion about the item I want others to adopt. It's a quality that gets me going but that can slow me down if I don't remember to pause long enough to listen. Really quiet myself enough to hear what's going on. Sometimes it's words, sometimes it's body-language, sometimes it's pure energetic incongruence, but something is always going on. Listen. Listen. It works when I am rambling on too long. It works when someone else is rambling on too long. If you speak long enough you're likely to disagree with y...

Can we talk about it? When a problem is bothering you, can you share that trouble? Do you have people who will listen without judging to your concerns? Do you know a confidante who will hold your secret fears in trust long enough to hear them out? Problems require communication. Deep communication. Listening with curiosity. Speaking with clarity. Knowing what matters and keeping focus on the clear boundaries of a larger vision. Problems are part of the journey, why not make them part of the conversation. The bigger the problem, the greater the need for deeper conversations. Talk your problem over. Build the relationships you need to deal effectively and with respect to the problems at hand. That's how it works best. -- Douglas Brent Smith Curious? Explore our workshop  Centered Problem Solving .

What is the most powerful strength a leader can show? How about compassion under pressure? The ability to show kindness even when the other person may be acting in ways that do not normally trigger compassion. It takes a mindful leader to remain in the moment enough to remember the strength of compassion. When we are given to anger, when we are tempted to yell, when we are managing our reactions... The most profound gesture is one of kindness. Listening deeply. Touching carefully. Trusting in spite of  the low level of trustworthiness. Staying kind. Staying compassionate. Can you do that as a leader? Imagine the strength, the impact, the resiliency of your relationships when you do. -- Douglas Brent Smith