Practice Listening

If you asked just about anyone what's the most important component to better communication what do you think they'd say? What do you say?

I think it's listening. No matter what we say, if we don't skillfully listen to what we are receiving in connection with our intentions, our efforts are less than optimal.

There have been times when I've had so much to say that it seems like I just don't stop talking. On and on I ramble with passion about the item I want others to adopt. It's a quality that gets me going but that can slow me down if I don't remember to pause long enough to listen. Really quiet myself enough to hear what's going on. Sometimes it's words, sometimes it's body-language, sometimes it's pure energetic incongruence, but something is always going on. Listen.

Listen.

It works when I am rambling on too long. It works when someone else is rambling on too long.

If you speak long enough you're likely to disagree with yourself.

As leaders we deal with opposites, complexities, change, and emotion. Speaking too much without listening brings about reactions we are not looking for - disengagement, disagreement, discontinuity.

Listen.

Listening: There's never too much of that to go around.

-- Doug Smith

Front Range Leadership: Training Supervisors for Success

doug smith training: how to achieve your goals

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Resistance to change is our most natural and unproductive impulse. Helping people thru that change changes their lives positively. It's s something that high performance leaders do. -- doug smith

Listen to Their Story

"An enemy is a person whose story we have not heard." -- Gene Knudsen Hoffman Without contrary evidence it always seems like we're right. Even WITH contrary evidence we get stuck often defending our story, our view. The story may not be wrong, but it is surely incomplete. Listen. Ask questions. Understand. Learn. High performance leaders look for common ground. -- doug smith

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What's the problem with anonymous feedback? The list is long. When people can say anything they want, without any accountability, they are sometimes rude. The feedback becomes exaggerated. Not knowing what to do with it (who do you try to please?) it frustrates the person receiving the feedback. Anonymous feedback encourages anti-social comments. It opens up a level of venting that is not healthy for either party. And, rather than building relationships, it tears them down. The best place for anonymous feedback is the garbage. It's too easy to be negative when no one knows who you are. Hold people accountable. Teach them that two-way communication is responsible, respectable, and useful. Let's keep the trash talking on the basketball court and build relationships of worth at work. -- Doug Smith

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How do you know for sure if something is a problem? If you see it as a problem, then it is a problem. Your perception will tell you -- not reality, but what you consider important about your reality. If you see it as a problem, shouldn't you do something about it? Centered problem solving sorts through our perceptions and checks in with the perceptions of other people who are effected by the situation. Emotions can trigger misconceptions, so centering ourselves and testing our assumptions is key. Then, if it's still a problem, it's time to do something about it. -- Douglas Brent Smith Bring our Centered Problem Solving workshop to your location and dramatically increase the problem solving skills of the people who attend.

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It's better to be considered tough and show up tender than to be thought tender and show up tough. -- doug smith

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Taking a very long walk. Do you ever feel like simply avoiding some feedback that's headed your way? Sometimes I'd rather have someone keep their opinion to themselves. If they're not happy, if they are sounding judgmental, if they have a frowny face. Wouldn't be easier if they just kept quiet? Easier in that moment. And, sometimes maybe it's even the best thing possible if a harsh critic keeps a damaging opinion private. But I've also learned that sometimes the toughest message is what I truly need to hear in order to learn. Just because I don't like criticism doesn't mean it isn't good for me. I just might need to take a good long afterwards. How about you? Here's how to embrace criticism: Remember, they could be wrong. As my friend Dr. Jay Desko has said, "feedback says more about the person providing the feedback than it does about you." Stay curious. There is probably something useful to learn. Remember that a

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