Drop That Fear of Rejection

Does the fear of rejection get in the way of your communicating?

It has for me. So many times I have wanted something and started to express that desire and then when the possibility of rejection arose I backed off, or stumbled, or mumbled and just plain missed the opportunity. Projects I could have launched. Dates I could have had. Friendships that could have formed. Partnerships that could have created success. Opportunities have often simply evaporated over the fear of rejection.

I'm not a psychologist and can't explain completely how rejection works, or why it feels worse from some people and worse for all of us at various times in our lives. I've come to think though that the fear rejection just plain stands in our way, for no good reason.

So what if we're rejected? We won't burst into flames. We won't sink into a muddy hole. We won't disappear. The rejection will come and go and we decide what to do next. We decide.

Rejection is not about us, but about the person doing the rejecting.

If we have any compassion for them at all, we'll continue the conversation. If we have any courage at all, we'll assert our ideas. If we have clarity about what we want to say, we will say it. If we stay creative, we'll see rejection as just the start of the next step in our conversation. It's not over, it's just becoming even more fun.

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Front Range Leadership: Training Supervisors for Success

doug smith training: how to achieve your goals

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Busy

What to do? High performance leaders prioritize based on mission, vision, values, and goals -- of course! And also, we prioritize based on what will just plain do some good. What's the point in leading unless it is to make a better world? There are enough needs in the world to keep everyone busy improving things. Keep going! -- doug smith

For example

Get good at something that won't obsolete itself. For example: emotional intelligence creating great conversations encouraging people leadership What would you add to the list? Which ones are you developing? -- doug smith

Money Isn't Everything

The profit motive is a poor substitute for genuine value. Money isn't everything. It's not even the most important thing. Oh, sure it's incredibly important. As a person who has many times wondered if there would be enough cash to pay the bills, I have come to respect mightily the value of money. But money is transactional. People are more than transactions. What we value most is more than money can buy, is more than a transaction, is a character of depth and peacefulness, and yes, love that is earned, not bought. Think about that for a minute. -- doug smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Show Integrity

The goals we seek bring a lot of pull to them. We get wrapped in them. It's useful and it's powerful when we care about our goals so much that they propel us forward and keep us working even when we're tired, beyond the boundaries of our usual limitations. But they should not take us beyond the boundaries of our usual values. They should not trick us into bending the rules just because the rules are in the way. Truly high performance leaders of character who are focused, and centered, and noble maintain integrity. No cheating is ever worth the outcome. Integrity is so rare that many people don't even recognize. If you do, be thankful. We need leaders like you. To truly understand integrity you've got to keep it. Even when it's hard. Even the lines are blurred. -- doug smith

Search and Improve

Sometimes we do things a certain way because we've always done things a certain way. It's easy, it's comfortable, it's probably inadequate and it can certainly be improved. Finding the right process powers your productivity. Better performance starts with better processes. For the next twenty-four hours, pay attention to each process you engage with, and ponder how you might make that process better or, find another better one altogether. -- doug smith

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Measures Matter

Some people measure quantify first and quality later. Some people measure money first and impact to the team later (not even second!). How you measure productivity might determine your character and your reputation. Put people first. -- doug smith

Appreciate!

Do the people on your team get enough appreciation? Are you sure? No one wants to be taken for granted. We all benefit from recognition and appreciation. Plus, when high performance leaders give out appreciation, they discover that not only does the person who is receiving the appreciation enjoy it, it's also enjoyable for the giver. It's free, and the results are wonderful. Appreciation brings its own reward. -- doug smith

Start With Kindness

When you start with kindness you don't have to stay there, but you probably will. It works better for others. It works better for you. If you're human, you'll probably relapse. It does take practice to stay the course. The course starts by starting. When you start with kindness, it becomes more naturally the way. High performance leadership develops from the core leadership strengths of clarity, creativity, courage, and compassion. Build one of those strengths today thru some act of kindness and the others will get stronger as well. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

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