Drop That Fear of Rejection

Does the fear of rejection get in the way of your communicating?

It has for me. So many times I have wanted something and started to express that desire and then when the possibility of rejection arose I backed off, or stumbled, or mumbled and just plain missed the opportunity. Projects I could have launched. Dates I could have had. Friendships that could have formed. Partnerships that could have created success. Opportunities have often simply evaporated over the fear of rejection.

I'm not a psychologist and can't explain completely how rejection works, or why it feels worse from some people and worse for all of us at various times in our lives. I've come to think though that the fear rejection just plain stands in our way, for no good reason.

So what if we're rejected? We won't burst into flames. We won't sink into a muddy hole. We won't disappear. The rejection will come and go and we decide what to do next. We decide.

Rejection is not about us, but about the person doing the rejecting.

If we have any compassion for them at all, we'll continue the conversation. If we have any courage at all, we'll assert our ideas. If we have clarity about what we want to say, we will say it. If we stay creative, we'll see rejection as just the start of the next step in our conversation. It's not over, it's just becoming even more fun.

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Front Range Leadership: Training Supervisors for Success

doug smith training: how to achieve your goals

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Now Means Now

How do you feel when someone says that they will do something right away, and then they don't? When I say "now!" I mean immediately, and without over-thinking. never under estimate the temptation to overthink (I think I just did!) When is now? How about now? -- Doug smith Looking for leadership training? That's what I do: doug smith training

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Get Going!

What goal are you working on? Maybe you don't spend every minute of every day working on your goals. I certainly don't. But when I do work on my goals they propel me forward. They get me going. Find your favorite goal. Work on it. Even if you start with the smallest task. Put one task after the other like little steps leading to a lofty elevation. Goals get us going. Because standing still goes nowhere. -- Doug Smith

Life Never Stops Teaching

Which learning curve are you climbing? The lessons keep coming. When we keep growing, our energy sparks with new creativity, new courage, new compassion, and new clarity. When we keep growing, life's adventure brings more smiles than troubles. High performance leaders make it a point to keep learning. That means taking on the tough assignments. That means listening to the needs of your team and building on their ideas. That means constantly debriefing, decoding, and deciding. There's a lesson in all of this somewhere. Centered leaders find the lesson and grow. Life never stops teaching. What have you learned today? -- Doug Smith

Promise and then Deliver

Be careful what you promise to gain a new customer. They are only new for a day. After that, expectations continue even if you forget your promise. Be careful what you promise. Do you have what you need to give your customers what they want? Because probably, what they want, is what you've promised. -- doug smith

Start With Decisions

Do you share leadership? The most powerful teams share leadership responsibilities AND attitude. When you develop a team where people feel empowered to take charge, take responsibility, and take ownership you then no longer need to do all the difficult work. Delegation becomes easier. Collaboration feels more natural. Start with decisions. It's fast and easy as a leader to make all of the big decisions, but when you include your team in the conversations it takes to gain mutually shared understandings and collaborative decisions, you no longer have to "sell" your decisions --- people simply know what you as a team have decided and act accordingly. No passive aggressive resistance, no passengers on your team "bus" -- just fully engaged team members. Start with collaborative decisions. The rest will be much easier. -- Doug Smith

Focus on Process

Fix the situation and let people be who they are. As much as you might want to change them, that's not your business. They are doing what they think is right, even if it is horribly wrong. Turn around the situation and watch them rotate, too. -- doug smith

Don't Jump!

I do it. You've probably done it, too. It gets us into trouble misinterpreting and reaching false conclusions. Slow down. Ease up from that jump. Stop that jump to conclusions and you'll avoid many big falls. -- doug smith

More On Now

Now is one of those words that means different things to different people. It implies a sense of urgency. Immediacy. And, it can mean so much more. When I say "now!" I mean it will not be perfect but it will be DONE. When I say "now!" I mean seriously, attentively, and instantly. When I say "now!" I mean "now for me" without expecting anyone else to follow automatically. If it's not urgent for you, even if it is for me, just let me know. What do you mean when you say now? -- doug smith

Immediate Feedback

High performance leaders share more positive feedback than criticism, but provide corrective feedback immediately when it is needed. They provide more positive feedback simply because by encouraging others thru each success, the team builds momentum. They provide more positive feedback because they know that people respond to direction that reinforces their efforts. They provide more positive feedback because it works. Corrective feedback cannot be ignored. When people are veering away from the standards, when their habits are becoming unproductive, when they are missing their goals, when they are creating problems for others -- the feedback must be precise and immediate. How are you are providing necessary feedback? What percentage of your feedback providing is positive as compared to corrective? Why do you think that is? How can you increase the percentage of positive feedback that you provide? -- Douglas Brent Smith Learn more in the workshop:...

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