David Encounters A Young Man In Need

This is another guest entry from my friend and fraternity brother David Spiegel. He's got a lot of great ideas and every once in a while he hits one out of the park and it compels me to share what he has to say. Today's one of those times. Here's David:

Once again on this "How Am I Doin' Friday" I am writing later in the day. And once again the day has influenced what I am writing about. My day started out with a gift of some extra time. My new smart phone allows me to check my emails and bank balances from bed as I drink my first morning coffee! Cool beans!

I accidentally scheduled my training for 7 instead of 7:30 today so I was not able to work with Kieth when I showed up at 7:30. No big.....I still got in a decent workout.

On my way home,about a block from my house, I saw a young man laying half on the curb and half on the road,his friend standing helplessly over him.. I pulled over to see if I could be of assistance.Cars continued whizzing by,honking at me for obstructing their path . The young man had tripped and it seems he may have sprained his ankle. I asked how I could help him. He said it hurt , not terribly and if I could drive them around he corner to the High School he could figure things out from there.

It sounded like a reasonable plan. He was a big boy and his slightly built friend was unable to help him. I helped him up and got him in the car and the three of us took the two minute drive around the corner to the High School.

Here is where the story gets interesting. The boy, although a bit hefty, was a very soft spoken kid. He was polite,a bit shaken a bit embarrassed but you could just tell he was a nice kid.

He called his Mom to let her know what had happened. Over the next 6-10 minutes,the time it took to go around the corner and for his buddy to go get the nurse and a wheel chair, I listened to the Mom tear into this young man non-stop." How could this happen" "how could you be so stupid" "How irresponsible" "How did you get into a strangers car" "How many times have I told you never to do that" 'You're grounded" "Your car privileges are lost now...if you are too irresponsible to walk with out falling how can I let you drive a car." "You have no respect for my time"...in all it was horrible!

I felt terrible for this kid. I wanted to reach out and just give him a hug and let him know that he was okay and that all would be fine.I gave him my business card and let him know that if he or his mom or the school needed me I could be reached on my cell.

Now before you get all "well the Mom has a point about getting in a car with strangers..." on me remember, he was laying in the road! This man child had been on the ground for who knows how long,cars kept passing him by as if he was a pile of leaves and he could not get himself up. And now he was being berated by the one person in life who should be his primary nurturer.

I have been in similar situations where I wanted to just jump all over my kids for one thing or another. It is precisely in that moment that I take a breath, hold my tongue and when the heat has been cooled from the situation take the opportunity to address the episode and try to come to an understanding as to how this may be handled differently should anything like this happen again.

My take away from all of this? Simple. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be thoughtful. Be mindful. Be thankful......some day you may be laying in the road.

Shabbat Shalom

David

Thanks, Dave! Good advice for us all.

Comments

A Promise or A Plan?

Which would you rather have -- a promise, or a plan? I love promises. When some people make a promise to me I know that it is as good as done. They are reliable, trustworthy, hard-working creative people who keep their promises. I'll take a promise from them any day. Promises can be problematic sometimes, though. Some people are not so skilled or willing to keep their promises. They may make a promise to move forward in the conversation (possibly because the conversation is deep enough to cause some discomfort) and yet have no intention of keeping that promise. That's not helpful. That's not what centered leaders are looking for. That's not how centered problem solvers operate. Promises are great and I'm also interested in the plan. What exactly are they promising to do and when will they do it? What's the plan? Picking a promise over a plan is a risky way to solve a problem. Problems respond better to the actions completed in a careful and thorough

Perception Frames Your Problem

How do you know for sure if something is a problem? If you see it as a problem, then it is a problem. Your perception will tell you -- not reality, but what you consider important about your reality. If you see it as a problem, shouldn't you do something about it? Centered problem solving sorts through our perceptions and checks in with the perceptions of other people who are effected by the situation. Emotions can trigger misconceptions, so centering ourselves and testing our assumptions is key. Then, if it's still a problem, it's time to do something about it. -- Douglas Brent Smith Bring our Centered Problem Solving workshop to your location and dramatically increase the problem solving skills of the people who attend.

Change Quickly

How are you at keeping up? Change is so rapid that adjusting, and evolving, has become a full time job. We roll with the changes, we drive new changes, we let go of the old. It's not getting easier, and it's getting faster. I work at it. I keep learning. I keep adjusting, and still... By the time I have it figured out it's time to try something else. Instead of getting frustrated, here's how I like to look at it: change is growth. Faster change is faster growth. Getting better is growth, so the more change the better. Are you with me on that? Because the alternative is slow-motion decay, and we don't want that, do we? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Helping People Change

Resistance to change is our most natural and unproductive impulse. Helping people thru that change changes their lives positively. It's s something that high performance leaders do. -- doug smith

Listen to Their Story

"An enemy is a person whose story we have not heard." -- Gene Knudsen Hoffman Without contrary evidence it always seems like we're right. Even WITH contrary evidence we get stuck often defending our story, our view. The story may not be wrong, but it is surely incomplete. Listen. Ask questions. Understand. Learn. High performance leaders look for common ground. -- doug smith

How to Embrace Criticism

Taking a very long walk. Do you ever feel like simply avoiding some feedback that's headed your way? Sometimes I'd rather have someone keep their opinion to themselves. If they're not happy, if they are sounding judgmental, if they have a frowny face. Wouldn't be easier if they just kept quiet? Easier in that moment. And, sometimes maybe it's even the best thing possible if a harsh critic keeps a damaging opinion private. But I've also learned that sometimes the toughest message is what I truly need to hear in order to learn. Just because I don't like criticism doesn't mean it isn't good for me. I just might need to take a good long afterwards. How about you? Here's how to embrace criticism: Remember, they could be wrong. As my friend Dr. Jay Desko has said, "feedback says more about the person providing the feedback than it does about you." Stay curious. There is probably something useful to learn. Remember that a

The Ability to Learn

"The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have." -- Sheryl Sandberg

Know Why You Do What You Do

Remember that advertising slogan for a very questionable publication that kept saying "Inquiring minds want to know"? We all have inquiring minds. We all need to know. And what we need to know the most is why. Why do we do what we do. What makes what we do cool, important, necessary? It's never just a job. It's never just an interaction. There is always a reason why. Know why. Figure out your why. Identify your mission. Then roll with it. -- Doug Smith P.S. My good friend David Spiegel has pointed out that Simon Sinek is a great source on WHY. Here's the video where I first was drawn to his thinking on this:

Review What You've Learned

How often do you review what you've learned as a supervisor? I'm thinking about what you've learned from experience, from mistakes, from other people, from surprises, from training and development events. Learning something is only the first step. To make use of it we need to review and review and review until it becomes a tangible part of ourselves and then we have to use it. We need to put our learning to work to make it reach its potential. Successful supervisors review what they've learned on a regular basis. Could you spare 15 minutes today to review what you've learned this year so far? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Tough and Tender

It's better to be considered tough and show up tender than to be thought tender and show up tough. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

Search This Blog