Skip to main content

You Matter! Dave said so! by David Spiegel


Here's another guest entry from my friend and fraternity brother, David Spiegel. 


Late yesterday afternoon, as I was finishing my last run of the day, my daughter Becca called me.
She was having one of those "I think you need a Snickers" days.

Without rehashing each and everyone one of the multitude of things that were annoying her, suffice it to say she was less than a happy camper.

As she ranted on and on, barking about the challenges of the day, each description ended with her saying "what does it matter?"

She was not questioning the event itself. She was questioning why she bothers to make the choices she does, trying to create the life that she wants. What does it matter if I watch what I eat....the scale doesn't move! What does it matter if I workout as much as I do? The damn scale still doesn't move.

What does it matter that I get blood work done?

The doctor doesn't care to understand my lifestyle. He has pre-formed opinions on how he believes we should fuel and care for our bodies. What does it matter that the computer program that supports our business doesn't address our needs? The answer "we're working on it" is a really nice way of saying not our problem!

The bottom line for Becca yesterday was...WHAT DOES IT MATTER?!"

It being the choices she makes for her life.

I didn't seem to have an answer for her in that moment.

As a matter of fact, the challenge to find an answer for her lingered with me all night.
That was until this morning when I received an email from a dear friend and fraternity brother.
He sent a note out to all of us, his band of brothers who have meant so much to him for over 45 years now. It read:

Sorry to have to share bad news brothers. My cancer has spread. Continuing to be positive and will fight this with all medicine can offer. I appreciate all the prayers I can get (or positive thoughts or whatever is appropriate for you) Sharing here because so many of you I have known for so long and truly love as brothers!

What does it matter? Because it does! Because as the mug I gave out for the holidays this year said "You Matter!" (If you did not get a mug from me and want one, let me know!)

Throughout Tom's battle with cancer, I have never once heard him ask "What does it matter?"

It all matters.

We all matter.

The choices we make matter. When it, life and the way we choose to live it, no longer matters, than it's over. We each matter, each and every day.



I'll leave you with this bit of wisdom for the day. 

94 year old Clara shared this with me as she nestled in to her seat on the way to the senior center this morning. In response to my query of "how are you today" she replied  "Another day and I'm okay....what's wrong with that?"

Clara gets it....she matters!

It all matters!

YOU MATTER!

-- David Spiegel




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Not Too Many Goals

How many goals should you have? Is there a limit? I've known people who said that they had a hundred goals. They were working their way thru the list and checking them off one by one. Good for them. I  could never do that. It's too many. How do you even keep that many straight? How do you build energy for them? Some people call a list like that a bucket-list. If that's what it is, it isn't so much a list of goals as plans for experience. That's very different. Goals require work. Goals require attention. Goals require a level of focus seldom afforded anything else. The discipline that takes limits the capacity anyone has for setting goals. We can only do so much. Of course, we aspire to do more. Of course we put lots of stretch into our goals and our list of goals. But, we can only do so many. I can't tell you what that number is. I find that 5 goals a day is a good number for me. Five achievable goals for each day and another 3 - 5 major goals that ca...

The Benefits of Supervisory Training

When was the last time you had any leadership training? How often do the supervisors in your organization get training? If you are like most organizations, it's never enough. Some teams go without any supervisory training at all and expect supervisors and managers to learn as they go, on the job. Unfortunately, while it is memorable to learn from your mistakes, it comes at a high cost. People get tired. People leave. Important accounts go away. Customers complain. And teams struggle without the skills and knowledge it takes to build cohesive teams that are capable of solving problems, improving performance and achieving goals. Admittedly, I can be expected to support training since I'm in the business. Still, take a closer look at your own leadership career and decide for yourself. Are leaders better off with more training and development or with less? Supervisory training can generate benefits that pay off long after the training is over. Here are just a few of the things sup...

Nobody Is Interested In Excuses

Imagine this - you've been expecting someone on your team to complete an important task. The deadline is looming. You're ready for the deliverable at any time, and then...and then they start the list of excuses why they can't complete the task. No fun, right? Not acceptable, true? True for you, and true for others who rely on you as well. Leading for success leaves little room for excuses. When I worked at Whole Foods one of my bosses once said, "we live in the land of no excuses." It was true there then, and it's true here now. Nobody is interested in any excuses. -- Doug Smith

Your Team Needs a Strong Leader

You're not just part of the team, are you? You are, as the team leader, at the center. You set the tone. You set the speed. You set the mood. Those are powerful abilities, if you use them in high performance ways. You'll need power, and you'll need strength, and you can't grab that from anyplace else other than yourself. Your team is counting on you. Whether or not they tell you, they depend on you to be their strong leader. The strength of patience. The strength of persistence. The strength of high expectations. Pull your team together. Talk with them individually AND as part of the whole team. Let them know how to succeed and they'll do their best to do so. As much as you might want it to, your team will not build itself. It needs a strong leader. That's you. You can do it. You're the boss. -- doug smith

Does Punishment Work to Motivate People?

Do you believe that people only respond to two basic motivations, punishment and reward? If that's the case, then punishment should be an effective motivator, right? People will do whatever they have to do to avoid punishment, right? Maybe. Fear certainly does effect behavior. A strong leader may create an atmosphere where people will do what they are expected to do to avoid punishment. Fear may prod some people into towing the line. They will do what they are told to do. But, they will likely do no more. Fear creates a lowest common denominator mentality. Of course we do not want to be punished so of course we will do whatever it takes to avoid that punishment. Sometimes, whatever it takes creates side-effects that leaders don't want, don't count on, and don't deal with effectively. It can spiral into an non-virtuous cycle of failure. No leader really wants that. Here's one of the biggest problems with leading by punishing: P eople find ways to get even with those ...

Skip the Meetings That Don't Matter

How much time do you waste in meetings that don't matter? Oh, they probably matter to someone. Whoever called the meeting must think it's necessary. But the agenda (if there is an agenda) does not include you or any goals that you are working on. Maybe it's not aligned with your mission or values. Maybe it is just a status update or something worse -- a meeting for the sake of meeting. Do you really have time for that nonsense? It takes courage, but it's well worth it to screen the meetings that you attend. Whenever you have a choice, if the meeting makes no sense to you and if there is a better use of your time, skip the meeting. Be polite, let your organizer know you won't be attending. Or before you send your intention not to attend, first ask if there is something relevant at the meeting that you're working on. Is there a goal that you need to contribute to? Is that a problem that you can help solve? Will the meeting move goals that you are working on ...

Stay With Compassion

Leaders need courage. They also need compassion. We can use our compassion to balance our courage, and use our courage to increase our compassion. Compassion is so vital we must never give up on it. No matter how angry we are, no matter how disappointed we feel, no matter how high the stakes -- stay with compassion. If it cannot be done with compassion, it should not be done. -- doug smith

Are You That Kind of Leader?

How do you know what your people want? If you assume that they want what you want, you could be wrong. If you assume that they need what you need from a manager or supervisor, you could be missing something critically important. Different people respond to different styles. While certain aspects of leadership may be universally important -- for instance I think that all leaders do a better job when they develop their clarity, courage, creativity and compassion -- how you interact with each team member also matters, and how they look for you to interact may be different from person to person. Ask. Find out. Get to know your team members. See what they're looking for in a leader and then determine if that's what they really need. We sometimes need to manage one person at a time. -- Douglas Brent Smith http://frontrangeleadership.com

Move from "Me" to "We"

by David Spiegel "The secret to success is to know something nobody else does." -- Aristotle Here is another guest entry from my friend, David Spiegel. I especially like how he ties this together with one of John Maxwell's Words of The Day. As you read this, think about how you can move in the direction of turning what you do best from a "me" effort to a "we" movement. A s I was stretching this morning waiting for my trainer to finish up with his 7:30 clients, I had the opportunity to look around the gym. When I started working with Cris, the head trainer,he had appointments set pretty much back to back for himself.  There was another trainer who I saw occasionally. Today, there was Cris working with "the Killer Couple" (these two really work hard!). There were also 3 or 4 other trainers working with clients. Some individuals and some working with two clients at the same time.There was a buzz of activity as these tr...