You Matter! Dave said so! by David Spiegel

Here's another guest entry from my friend and fraternity brother, David Spiegel.

Late yesterday afternoon, as I was finishing my last run of the day, my daughter Becca called me.

She was having one of those "I think you need a Snickers" days.

Without rehashing each and everyone one of the multitude of things that were annoying her, suffice it to say she was less than a happy camper.

As she ranted on and on, barking about the challenges of the day, each description ended with her saying "what does it matter?"

She was not questioning the event itself. She was questioning why she bothers to make the choices she does, trying to create the life that she wants. What does it matter if I watch what I eat....the scale doesn't move! What does it matter if I workout as much as I do? The damn scale still doesn't move.

What does it matter that I get blood work done?

The doctor doesn't care to understand my lifestyle. He has pre-formed opinions on how he believes we should fuel and care for our bodies. What does it matter that the computer program that supports our business doesn't address our needs? The answer "we're working on it" is a really nice way of saying not our problem!

The bottom line for Becca yesterday was...WHAT DOES IT MATTER?!"

It being the choices she makes for her life.

I didn't seem to have an answer for her in that moment.

As a matter of fact, the challenge to find an answer for her lingered with me all night.

That was until this morning when I received an email from a dear friend and fraternity brother.

He sent a note out to all of us, his band of brothers who have meant so much to him for over 45 years now. It read:

Sorry to have to share bad news brothers. My cancer has spread. Continuing to be positive and will fight this with all medicine can offer. I appreciate all the prayers I can get (or positive thoughts or whatever is appropriate for you) Sharing here because so many of you I have known for so long and truly love as brothers!

What does it matter? Because it does! Because as the mug I gave out for the holidays this year said "You Matter!" (If you did not get a mug from me and want one, let me know!)

Throughout Tom's battle with cancer, I have never once heard him ask "What does it matter?"

It all matters.

We all matter.

The choices we make matter. When it, life and the way we choose to live it, no longer matters, than it's over. We each matter, each and every day.

I'll leave you with this bit of wisdom for the day.

94 year old Clara shared this with me as she nestled in to her seat on the way to the senior center this morning. In response to my query of "how are you today" she replied "Another day and I'm okay....what's wrong with that?"

Clara gets it....she matters!

It all matters!

YOU MATTER!

-- David Spiegel

Comments

One Kind of Choice

It is not always the answer, but surprisingly often it is: It's easier to hire a motivated worker than it is to motivate an unmotivated one. That's not the end of the story. It could be great hiring advice though. Whatever the technical skills are for people you are interviewing to hire, be sure to ask some questions about motivation that can't be answered with a yes or no. Questions like: When were you the most motivated in your life? What kinds of work motivate you? What's your approach to a work day when for one reason or another you don't feel very motivated? If you had been here for one week, what would we see that shows us how motivated you are? Start there, and follow-up with more questions. Give each candidate time to convince you whether or not they will bring motivation to your organization. You can teach people almost anything, but it's always easier if they are already motivated. -- doug smith

All Edge in Moderation

I once had a boss who, during my performance evaluation, told me that I was doing a good job as a leader but that I needed to develop more of an edge. I wasn't quite assertive enough. She was concerned that people might take advantage of me. I worked on my edge as a result. I sharpened it thru steady practice. I had an edge to end all edges. At the next evaluation, what do you think she suggested? "You need to dial that edge down a bit," she laughed. It's not either/or. Assertiveness is valuable and necessary. Aggression, not so much. You don't have to dull your edge -- just don't cut yourself with it. -- doug smith

Lead with Compassion

Does your team know that you care about them? How do they know? Is it from your flexibility? Is it from your discipline? Is it from the time that you take to talk with each and every one of them on a regular basis? Times are tough for many team members. They are wrestling with issues that we don't even know about, plus some issues that we DO know about. How leaders respond makes the difference between a functional team and a dysfunctional one. Go for the functional, fully moving forward team that delivers on performance. Build trust, build relationships, spend time getting to know your team and letting them get to know you. The payoff is immense. Lead with clarity, courage, compassion, and creativity. If you don't know where to start, start with compassion. Leading with compassion builds trust. And trust propels high performance teams to success. Go for that success. You can do it. You're the boss! -- doug smith

It's More Than Talk

Every conversation is an opportunity to make someone's life better. Take the chance. -- doug smith

Try Not Lying

High performance leaders communicate without lying. That's harder than it sounds. So hard, that hardly anyone ever does it. -- doug smith

Character Is In The Actions

Some days it's easier to preach than perform. Resist that temptation. Telling people what to do works for a little while, but eventually they are going to watch to see what YOU do. Character, no matter how it is presented verbally, is revealed in action. Kindness is shown by helping. Courage is demonstrated by standing down an evil force or intention. Creativity is demonstrated in the art created, not the art criticized. I've sometimes fallen into the temptation to preach. It comes easy. Opinions just roll off my tongue. But, I'm working on that. Preaching is easy. Performing takes work. Practice build character. Do the practice. -- doug smith

Something Other Than Games?

If you turn the system into a game people will game the system. Competition isn't the only way to achieve excellence. What if you could find a way that didn't also bring the side-effects? -- doug smith

What to Blame

It's better to blame the product than it is to blame the customer because you cannot fix the customer. -- doug smith

Show Integrity

The goals we seek bring a lot of pull to them. We get wrapped in them. It's useful and it's powerful when we care about our goals so much that they propel us forward and keep us working even when we're tired, beyond the boundaries of our usual limitations. But they should not take us beyond the boundaries of our usual values. They should not trick us into bending the rules just because the rules are in the way. Truly high performance leaders of character who are focused, and centered, and noble maintain integrity. No cheating is ever worth the outcome. Integrity is so rare that many people don't even recognize. If you do, be thankful. We need leaders like you. To truly understand integrity you've got to keep it. Even when it's hard. Even the lines are blurred. -- doug smith

Start With Kindness

When you start with kindness you don't have to stay there, but you probably will. It works better for others. It works better for you. If you're human, you'll probably relapse. It does take practice to stay the course. The course starts by starting. When you start with kindness, it becomes more naturally the way. High performance leadership develops from the core leadership strengths of clarity, creativity, courage, and compassion. Build one of those strengths today thru some act of kindness and the others will get stronger as well. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

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