High Performance Leadership

If conflict is inevitable, shouldn't we just get really good at resolving it? -- doug smith

Are you competitive? I am unreasonably competitive. I get so excited about winning that I can work thru vast amounts of trouble to achieve a goal. I've learned though, that while in sports it may be true, in most enterprises your goal does not need to be a zero sum game. You can win without creating any losers. Because if anybody loses, it's not over. If anyone perceives that they were taken advantage of or abused or cheated -- or even if they just feel like they lost without a chance to get what they really wanted -- the struggle is not over. They'll be back. The conflict will rage on. Unless. Unless when you win your opponent also wins. It does not take some imaginary Valhallo to achieve this. It starts with identifying what each person wants. What is the goal? Then, carefully, compassionately, courageously creating many alternatives. The more possibilities you can generate the better your chances are of a victory that won't sour your relationships. You can...

Is there a way to keep couples from drifting apart? Will adding one communication tool make a significant difference? Tammy Lenski gives us a writing exercise to help marital couples in conflict. It should only take about seven minutes each time. That seems like an excellent use of seven minutes, to dramatically improve communication and connection between two people. I think it could also be useful in professional conflicts as well. Here are the steps that she outlines: How to do it The writing intervention should be done by both people in the couple. After a significant conflict, write about it from the perspective of an impartial observer who wants the best for you both . How would they describe what happened? What view would they take of the conflict? Also write about what could prevent you from adopting this “neutral observer” point of view during future marital conflicts and what you can do to overcome those obstacles. If possible, identify even a single positi...

"When I make my enemy my friend have I not destroyed my enemy?" -- Abraham Lincoln Do you have any enemies? Enemies are hard to deal with. They oppose us. They demonize us. They violate our values and breech our assumptions of peace and healthfulness. They stand in the way. They do us harm. I do hope you aren't experiencing enemies of that nature. But many people are. What's to be done? We so often select violence as the solution and yet, how has that worked so far? Any violent solution to an enemy problem simply sows the seeds for future conflict and more enemies. We can't fight our way out of a fight. An enemy does not need your help to find a reason to oppose you. They will develop reasons of their own. Challenging those reasons, opposing those view points simply fuel the enmity. Work the relationship not the reason. Not easy. Not always possible at first view. Seldom safe. But what if we stayed truly curious about what is going on? What if we ...

Abraham Lincoln was quoted as saying "When I make my enemy my friend have I not destroyed my enemy?" It's a powerful message, filled with controversy and risk. How do I trust my enemy? Start. How can I keep myself safe? Stay courageous while developing compassion. Stay true to your values while staying curious to the voice of your opposition. Expand your boundaries while also protecting them. It's no secret that high performance leaders must embrace a sense of paradox. Things are not always what they seem, and we are constantly defining and redefining them. Our filters are thick. Permeating our self-imposed filters can lead to better relationships. Where do we start? Find something to admire in your enemy and you're on the road to becoming a friend. It may be a long road. It may be filled with bumps and hazards. But the value in traveling that road is as Abraham Lincoln said, once you've truly made your enemy your friend you now have one less enemy. ...

How does your team manage conflict? One big challenge of high performance leadership is managing conflict within a team. Highly ambitious teams will generate more than their share of conflict. How you manage that as the leader, and how the team manages it collaboratively, will largely determine how innovative your results become. It's tempting in a conflict to fix the "other side" when it may be our side that needs unfixing. Our solution may be flawed. Our ideas may be incomplete. Our answers may be rooted in distortion. We may need to unfix what we think is fixed. Because if it truly is fixed, it could be stuck in place. Frozen. Not moving. That's no place to be to optimize your results. That's no place to be to grow. And that's no place to be to build your best team. Build a better team. Find the parts that seem fixed but need unfixing. You'll like the results. -- Douglas Brent Smith Contact me today about bringing in our one-day workshop B...

Have you noticed? When you're excited about something, when your blood is really moving inside your body, when you emotionally react to the way things are going, there is often a conflict involved. Do you pay attention? Do you slow down enough to center yourself? There's a message in there for you. There is feedback, a promise, an opportunity, a solution to be discovered. Conflict is trying to tell you something. Conflict is there to get our attention. Are you tuned in? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Sometimes I get angry at the silliest things. I once got angry at a boss who said I had an anger problem. I traveled the road from denial to defensiveness to objection. It's easy to get lost on that road. People get angry for a lot of reasons, and I've managed to feel most of them. It doesn't make me an angry person (I hope) but it does mean I'm a person who gets angry. Who doesn't? Some people handle their anger better than others. That's admirable. Good for them. It can be done with therapy, will power, training, prayer, meditation or medication.  We do have to handle our anger. Getting angry is acceptable, but acting negatively based on that anger is not. High performance leaders see anger as unfulfilled passion and find ways to convert it to productive use. Whether it's our own anger or someone else's, there is so much energy there! Why not channel it? Why not direct it? Why not use it for meaningful, noble, productive change? I had another...