A Tool for Neutralizing The Ravages of Marital Conflict

Is there a way to keep couples from drifting apart? Will adding one communication tool make a significant difference?

Tammy Lenski gives us a writing exercise to help marital couples in conflict. It should only take about seven minutes each time. That seems like an excellent use of seven minutes, to dramatically improve communication and connection between two people. I think it could also be useful in professional conflicts as well.

Here are the steps that she outlines:

How to do it

The writing intervention should be done by both people in the couple.
After a significant conflict, write about it from the perspective of an impartial observer who wants the best for you both. How would they describe what happened? What view would they take of the conflict?
Also write about what could prevent you from adopting this “neutral observer” point of view during future marital conflicts and what you can do to overcome those obstacles.
If possible, identify even a single positive aspect to the argument.

Read her post for more information on this tool here.

Or listen to her podcast of the article here.

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