Strategies for Dealing With A Bullying Boss

Is your boss a bully?

A surprisingly large number of people in the workforce (over half!) have had a boss who uses bullying, Machiavellian methods of authority and control. It can be really tough to deal with, especially when you consider that the boss has ultimate (or so it would seem) control over your current career. They use that to their advantage, but there are things that we can do when faced with a bully boss.

Gleaned from several sources, I consider this list to be a work in progress. I'm interested in your ideas as well because as I conduct training on communication skills, leadership, and productivity many people struggle with what can only be defined as bad bosses.

Here are some things to do:

Remain assertive (not aggressive and NOT passive.) Maintain eye contact. (1)
Do NOT rely on HR for help. They are NOT on your side.
Document every incident with the person who causes you concern, including especially incidents of bullying, teasing, berating, harassing. Quietly build your case. (1)
Avoid talking about the problem person but DO maintain healthy relationships with the people you work with. When you can, keep them nearby when you must encounter the difficult boss.(1)
Present your ideas in a way that allows your tyrannical boss to take at least partial credit. (2)
Choose your battles wisely and control your emotions when confrontation is necessary. (2)
Talk about it with the difficult boss. (5) As tough as that conversation might be, it likely is necessary. It's a great time to practice your CLUES to Success.

Something else to consider comes from the thin book "How To Deal With Difficult People" by Paul Friedman:

"Keep in mind that the difficult people you encounter usually think you're the one who's being difficult." (p.42)

The good news on that? You do control YOUR behavior. Maybe there's something you can do to create a better relationship.

I realize that's not always true, which is while I've listed the tactics above. People are complicated, and sometimes they're difficult. The bully for a boss is one of the worst.

Sources:

10 Tips for Dealing With A Bullying Boss - from CIO. Lots of pages to click thru but some nuggets of useful information, especially if people-skills is not your core strength.
How Successful People Overcome Toxic Bosses - Breaks down bad bosses into different types (such as the Micromanager, the Tyrant, The Incompetent, The Robot...) and provides tacts for dealing with each type.
The Machiavellian Boss - From Psychology Today. Short on advice but rich with detail describing the traits of a Mach and how they score on key leadership suppositions. Useful to gain insights into the motivations of a tyrant or devious boss who oddly enough believes their behavior is productive and even noble.
Your Boss Isn't Just a Psychopath, It's Way Worse Than That - From FastCompany's FastCoExist illustrates the problem of a bad boss and offers the skills you need to navigate office politics (even if it leaves a bit of a sour taste for you): Astuteness, Effectiveness, Networking, The Appearance of Sincerity). That last one is the one that might cause the distaste. The point of the article, agree or not, is that one in five business communications is a lie and we either navigate that or fall victim to it. While I'm not sure about that, see what you think.
How To Deal With Difficult Co-Workers: It's not just your boss who might be difficult. Molly Triffon examines six common difficult types (The Complainer, The Idea Stealer, The Bully, The Slacker, The Gossiper, The Know-It-All) and what to do with them.
How To Deal With Difficult People, Revised Edition - Paul Friedman, SkillPath Publications, 1994, Mission, KS

Links have a way of changing or going away, so if you find a busted link in this list and you let me know about it I will fix the list. Thanks!

Comments

Strategic and Communication Skills

Supervisors often bring strong technical skills to the job. When they have worked in technical jobs prior to becoming a supervisor, they were often the best at what they do. They know the ground level part of their business well enough to solve problems and deal with day to day issues. Leading is all that and more. High performance leadership requires attention to detail AND a constant view of the big picture: where is your team, your market, and your customer base headed? What does the future hold? Strong supervisors learn to add strategic and communication skills to their technical ability. What are you doing today to develop your sense of the big picture? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Brace Yourself On The Edge

Do you pride yourself in being cutting edge? Do you try new techniques, stay creative, build innovation instead of comfort? Good for you. And if you said no, allow me to encourage you to push the edge a bit more. Get out of your comfort zone. The really big goals makes us just bit uncomfortable. We might even sweat. Push the edge, even knowing that sometimes when you push the edge you get pushed back. People might object to the radical new approach. They might take exception to your changes. Push the edge anyway. Leading often means going where no one else has gone. All the way to the edge. Pack a lunch, it could take a while, but do stay with it. -- Doug Smith

Win The Game

It would be nice to win the game. But, do you ever feel like you're in a game that keeps shifting the rules and making it easy to make progress but impossible to win? You've probably noticed lots of game elements creeping into service. Points, incentives, expiring coupons followed by new expiring coupons, leader-boards...on an on a relentless attack on service comes from playing a game designed -- you guessed it -- to maximize profit. If the customer is happy, fine, but the point is to make money. Not to put too fine a point on it but that's a lousy point. What if there could be something better? What if customer service excellence became playing a game where the customer always wins and that makes you happy? You don't have to. "give away the store" to achieve a winning game for all of the players. Just stop stacking the rules against customers and watch how much more they will want to do business with you. -- doug smith

Do What You Want To Be Remembered For

What are you famous for? We're all famous for something. Maybe not "cover of Time magazine" famous or "story on the news" famous or even "one million likes" famous, but we're each famous for something. There is something about you that people think first about when they think of you. What is it? Could it be the way that you treat people with compassion? How does that show itself? Could it be your courage under difficult situations? Why would anyone call you courageous? Could it be the creative energy you bring to projects and teams? What is it that you do that adds creativity to any of your efforts? Or, maybe it's the clarity with which you bring to any meeting, goal, event, or team. You have a certain clear vision that is unwavering and easily understood. Is that it? Or, is it something else? We are each known for something, and will likely be remembered when we're gone for that something. It's not exactly our legacy, bu...

Don't Judge That Creative Idea Too Soon

Are you a fan of your inner judge? We all have an inner judge (sometimes called inner critic) who wants to assess everything. To the inner judge, nothing is ever perfect. To the inner judge, there is always fault to find. How annoying. We grow up with this inner judge and let the judge drive us when we're not paying attention. When we lack focus on what is truly most important our inner judge tries to decide for us, and usually makes poor decisions. As Don Miguel Ruiz has said, "our inner judge lies." Judging a creative idea too soon is not fair to you or to the idea. You'll have time to judge. You'll have time to decide. But imagine how many more possibilities you'll have to work with if you first choose to stay curious. I promise to work on that every day from now on. How about you? -- Doug Smith

Take Charge

Is it possible to be a centered, highly participative and collaborative leader while also acting with a take charge sense of focus? It may not be easy, but I do believe it's possible. My favorite leaders have all been collaborative. They operate with respect and cooperative appreciation. And, when necessary they take charge. High performance leaders get things done. Usually, that means with the help of other people. Relationships are essential. And, results matter, too. Taking on a fair share of the unglamorous work shows a team that the leader is willing and able to work side-by-side. This can be profoundly motivating. Leaders who roll-up-their-sleeves and help with the messy side of the work show that their passion is authentic. Centered leaders take charge when the need arises. The need arises constantly. Get the views of others. Collaborate. Listen, rather than command. And when the moment calls for it, show your authentic passion for the work by taking charge when thin...

Do Your Best With Time

Here's another guest entry from my good friend and fraternity brother David Spiegel. If you know anything about the East Coast you'll get a sense for how his day went. If you ever struggle with managing time, some of this may sound familiar. As Dave says, we can't really manage time -- it's what we do with it that matters. Now, let's hear what Dave has to share: In a week where I have dedicated myself to regaining control over my time , I have come to realize that I am trying to accomplish something impossible. Time is time. Every day has exactly 1440 minutes to it and no matter what we do,we can not create any more of it. So instead of creating more time we spend our energy trying to make better use of those precious minutes each day.We attempt to manage time. Well guess what. We have no control over time. Time itself can not be managed. We can not speed it up or slow it down. Do you know why a watched pot never boils? It's a time thing...

Call Fewer Meetings

Do you have too many meetings? Many leaders do. Staff meetings, committee meetings, team meetings, project meetings, all-company meetings...the list goes on. Most of us can think of many meetings that were simply wastes of our time. Time is too important to waste is bad meetings. Do the people in your meeting want to be there? If not, maybe it's not a meeting that you need. Maybe there's another way to communicate your message. Maybe the work that is waiting is too important to wait. We can like the feeling of having a meeting. It feels like we're doing something. But if we're not -- if we are delaying real work, maybe we don't need that meeting after all. What scheduled meeting could you eliminate this week? Wouldn't it be nice to have that time to be...well, happy and more productive? -- Doug Smithy

Start With Decisions

Do you share leadership? The most powerful teams share leadership responsibilities AND attitude. When you develop a team where people feel empowered to take charge, take responsibility, and take ownership you then no longer need to do all the difficult work. Delegation becomes easier. Collaboration feels more natural. Start with decisions. It's fast and easy as a leader to make all of the big decisions, but when you include your team in the conversations it takes to gain mutually shared understandings and collaborative decisions, you no longer have to "sell" your decisions --- people simply know what you as a team have decided and act accordingly. No passive aggressive resistance, no passengers on your team "bus" -- just fully engaged team members. Start with collaborative decisions. The rest will be much easier. -- Doug Smith

The Passion in Anger

Sometimes I get angry at the silliest things. I once got angry at a boss who said I had an anger problem. I traveled the road from denial to defensiveness to objection. It's easy to get lost on that road. People get angry for a lot of reasons, and I've managed to feel most of them. It doesn't make me an angry person (I hope) but it does mean I'm a person who gets angry. Who doesn't? Some people handle their anger better than others. That's admirable. Good for them. It can be done with therapy, will power, training, prayer, meditation or medication. We do have to handle our anger. Getting angry is acceptable, but acting negatively based on that anger is not. High performance leaders see anger as unfulfilled passion and find ways to convert it to productive use. Whether it's our own anger or someone else's, there is so much energy there! Why not channel it? Why not direct it? Why not use it for meaningful, noble, productive change? I had another...

High Performance Leadership

Search This Blog