Ask Deeper Questions

Do you find yourself in conversations that linger on the small talk without getting to any substance?

It's perfectly natural to initiate a conversation at a shallow level by talking about sports, or the weather, or current events -- but how do we take it to the next level?

To really develop vital relationships, shouldn't we take our conversations to deeper levels? Shouldn't we find out more about what each of us is all about? Shouldn't we get the important issues -- things we really care about -- up in the air, examine them, probe them, and find some kind of shared meaning (whether or not we agree)?

If you're still talking about the weather or sports, try asking deeper questions. People crave deeper conversations.

What kinds of deeper questions? I'm sure you can come up with some great ones (and I'm eager to hear what they are). Here are some that I've heard or used:

- How do you feel about that?

- What would you do about that if you could do anything?

- Tell me what you think that means...

- What are the leaders missing that you'd do something about?

- What should be our first step to make that better?

- How does that match up with your vision of a better world?

- Do you have any goals around that?

The next time a question about sports or TV pops into your mind as you start or continue a conversation, why not take the opportunity to ask something deeper?

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Learn more at the workshop: Communicating for Results

Comments

Release

If a goal doesn't make you happy, let it go. -- doug smith

A Better Future

We can always imagine a better future and that's a great start to getting there. That's the fun part. The hard part is the work. But you know that already. Set the goal, identify the plan, then get started. No one else is going to do it for you. -- doug smith

The Essential Question

The essential question is "How can I help?" Whether you are the leader of thousands or completely on your own, your role on this planet is to help, to make things better. Usually, that means helping other people. Kings, rulers, athletes, artists, government officials, doctors, fire fighters, deli workers, mechanics, economists...we are all here to help. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes we feel the need to be served instead. But whatever the situation, no matter what the organization, high performance leaders know that their role is to help. Reflection Questions How can you be most helpful? What situations are you facing right now where you have not yet asked the question, "how can I help?" Who do you remember the most for being ready to jump in and find a way to help? How did they make you feel? How engaged and happy did they seem to be? Action Plan Within the next 24 hours, find a situation and ask yourself "how can I help?" ... and then...

High Performance Leaders Deal With Anger

What do you do when someone in your range of influence is angry? It can be discomforting. It can be disruptive. Anger is tough to handle under the best of circumstances. And yet, handle it we must. Centered, high performance leaders are careful about anger. Careful about their own anger and careful about their reactions to the anger of others. I had a boss once (a very long time ago) who told me that I had a problem with anger. That made me angry. The reaction to anger is sometimes defensiveness, sometimes fear, and sometimes (surprise!) more anger. Whatever our reaction, our bodies are usually poised for action. What we do in that moment of activation is critical to our success. If our life or emotional well-being is being threatened, that steers our direction. But usually, although it feels that way, we are not actually under any threat. So we must deal with anger productively. We must say what we want without blaming others for it not being there. We must listen with cur...

Learn To Build A Better Tomorrow

Do you have all the answers yet? Are you finished learning? Of course not. Learning is a lifetime necessity, especially for leaders. Centered leaders learn constantly and apply what they learn to make things better. To solve problems. To achieve their goals. What we learn today can bring about a better tomorrow. Isn't that what you want, a better tomorrow? It can happen, but it's up to each of us. What will you do? What will you learn? What have you learned today? -- Doug Smith Front Range Leadership: Training Supervisors for Success doug smith training: how to achieve your goals

Stop Running From Your Solution

Why do we run away from the answer? Sometimes it's right there in front of us - the solution to our problem, and yet we turn away. It's a bad habit and one that keeps us from finding what we're looking for when it comes to solving a problem. The solution to your problem is looking for you -- you just need to stop running. Can you hear those footsteps? -- Doug Smith Front Range Leadership: High performance leadership training doug smith training: how to achieve your goals

Leading Through Participation

"If you create an environment where the people truly participate, you don't need control. They know what needs to be done, and they do it. And the more that people will devote themselves to your cause on a voluntary basis, a willing basis, the fewer hierarchies and control mechanisms you need." -- Herb Kelleher, CEO. Southwestern Airlines Leadership brings about participation. It's not just distributing work the way some people call delegation. If a person feels dumped on, it's not effective delegation. I have a real distaste for the definition of leadership that describes it as "getting work done through others". Sure, others help -- but unless the leader has at least some taste for the work involved, people will only stick around until a better offer appears. To build true devotion takes commitment and involvement by everyone -- including the leader. -- Douglas Brent Smith Learn more in the workshop: Supervising for Success

Test Your Solution Ideas

Did you ever get an idea for a solution to a problem and then couldn't get it to work? We can fall in love with our ideas and in so doing miss what they're missing. Maybe they don't actually meet our solution criteria. Maybe our team members aren't equipped to implement them. Maybe our constituents have no appetite for the changes the solution will bring about. No one wants to implement a solution that won't work. Test ideas carefully against your problem solving constraints. Qualify them. Yes, it's another layer of analysis after a wide open time of creativity -- but that's the breath of centered problem solving - the flow between convergent (creative) thinking and divergent (analytical) thinking. We need both. --- Doug Smith Front Range Leadership: High performance leadership training doug smith training: how to achieve your creative goals

Great Teachers Are Great Leaders

Do you remember your favorite teacher? What was it about that teacher that made class better, more effective, and more productive? Was learning interesting, even fun? Did you realize at the time that your teacher was demonstrating great learning skill AND great leadership? Where else could high performance leadership be more important than in our schools? There's a great article here about a great leader and teacher from Alabama, April Kennamer and her approach to teaching. Her keys to teaching including: Encouraging students to learn thru self-discovery Creating curiosity in her students to compel them forward Promoting respect for all things We could certainly benefit from more leaders who include those three components. We tend to remember more when we discover the answers on our own, most team members are more inclined to stay motivated if there is an element of curiosity in their work, and we all benefit from both giving and receiving more respect. You could even make a case...

Professional, Patient, Persistent, and Powerful

Professional, patient, persistent, and powerful. Those are four traits worth focusing on as a leader. Combined with what it takes to be a centered leader (courage, compassion, creativity, and clarity) these four "p's" can drive a leader forward in performance and results. Are you professional? Paying attention to details, keeping an appropriate appearance for your line of work, meeting deadlines, installing quality, treating others as the professional you aspire to be -- these are all marks of leading as a professional. What would you add to the list? Are you patient? Leaders are often faced with difficult situations at exactly the wrong time. Without surrendering to lower standards, leaders must remain patient with people and circumstances. How else should leaders demonstrate patience? Are you persistent? Patience begs persistence. While high performance leaders have the capacity to remain patient under stress, they are also doggedly persistent. Nothing should stand in t...

High Performance Leadership

Search This Blog