Six Tips for Creating Deeper Conversations

How do you create deeper conversations? A deeper conversation takes you beyond small talk and into shared meaning. During a deeper conversation you feel listened to and you listen and understand both the facts and feelings of everyone in the conversation.

Here are six tips that help to create deeper conversations.

1. Listen actively with empathy.

2. Identify facts AND feelings.

3. Share responsibility for success.

4. Think creatively about what you say AND hear.

5. Express yourself openly and honestly. No hidden agenda.

6. Nurture your relationships with kindness.

How can you use these six points more often? What I've seen work is to keep them on a sheet of paper nearby as you intentionally practice creating deeper conversations. You might not hit all six at first -- or every time -- but by making yourself aware of the possibility of using these six tips I think you will find a higher quality and deeper level of conversation filling your life.

Isn't it worth a try?

Want to get started?

ACTION PLAN:

Print this list of tips and initiate a conversation with another person on what you think it means and how you might put it into practice. Check yourself to see how many of the six tips you can use during the conversation.

...and as it says on the shampoo bottle, "rinse and repeat..."

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Learn more in the workshop: Communicating for Results

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New Ideas

New ideas won't break you but they can make you bigger. -- doug smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

What You Need

Use what you've learned to become what you need. -- doug smith

Measures Matter

Some people measure quantify first and quality later. Some people measure money first and impact to the team later (not even second!). How you measure productivity might determine your character and your reputation. Put people first. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership Combination

We can rationalize anything without making it justified. Leaders should always ask: who is this good for other than me? High performance leadership does NOT mean performance at any cost. It means performance that serves a noble cause while also benefiting people. High performance leadership is a combination. Results without relationships are shallow and temporary. Take care of both, and you'll be a high performance leader. -- doug smith

Decide

What do you want? Are you getting what you want? Intention is direction. Decide. And, then go. -- doug smith

For example

Get good at something that won't obsolete itself. For example: emotional intelligence creating great conversations encouraging people leadership What would you add to the list? Which ones are you developing? -- doug smith

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Start With Kindness

When you start with kindness you don't have to stay there, but you probably will. It works better for others. It works better for you. If you're human, you'll probably relapse. It does take practice to stay the course. The course starts by starting. When you start with kindness, it becomes more naturally the way. High performance leadership develops from the core leadership strengths of clarity, creativity, courage, and compassion. Build one of those strengths today thru some act of kindness and the others will get stronger as well. -- doug smith

Show Integrity

The goals we seek bring a lot of pull to them. We get wrapped in them. It's useful and it's powerful when we care about our goals so much that they propel us forward and keep us working even when we're tired, beyond the boundaries of our usual limitations. But they should not take us beyond the boundaries of our usual values. They should not trick us into bending the rules just because the rules are in the way. Truly high performance leaders of character who are focused, and centered, and noble maintain integrity. No cheating is ever worth the outcome. Integrity is so rare that many people don't even recognize. If you do, be thankful. We need leaders like you. To truly understand integrity you've got to keep it. Even when it's hard. Even the lines are blurred. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

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