When The Truth Requires Clarification

Have you ever thought that you understood something, only to later discover that you didn't get it at all?

Have you ever been deceived by a "near truth" that you had wanted to be true and so you filled in the blanks that weren't there, only to discover later that it wasn't true?

The truth takes work.

What we believe, and what is true are not always the same thing. While we can (sometimes) control our beliefs, it takes more work to dig down and discover the truth behind a statement, a story, a view.

The truth often requires clarification. Shared meaning is not automatic.

I remember times when I truly wanted to believe that what someone was saying resonated with the truth because I liked that person. And, they may have believed that their statements were true. But, I've learned to be careful about "versions of the truth" and "degrees of the truth. The best way to find out if someone is SAYING what you think you are HEARING is to clarify. Ask for examples. Ask for them to restate what they've said. Ask them to put it into context with one or more of your values. Ask them the magic unquestion:

"Tell me more about that."

Dig deeper.

Sometimes it makes for an uncomfortable moment.

"What do you mean? Don't you get what I'm saying?"

"Maybe I do, but I'm not sure. Could you say it in a different way?"

"I thought you were on my side..."

"I didn't say that I wasn't on your side. I'm not sure I understand what you said, though. Could you give me an example?"

It is worth that moment of discomfort NOW to avoid the slow unwinding effects of misunderstandings LATER.

In the end, we aren't decided truth so much as we are seeking shared meaning. When you say "entitlement" do you mean what I think you mean? Are you making a judgement or just a statement? Is there a better way to say what you really mean? Or, have I truly understood your meaning and find that we disagree?

Conflict exposed is something that we can work on. Conflict buried or hidden is an unresolved problem that will eventually damage our relationship.

Why not deal with our versions of the truth now?

Why not find out if we agree on what we're saying to mean the same thing, whether or not we agree on what to do with that.

"Because when you say entitlement, I'm thinking "earned benefit" that we've paid into our whole careers...is that what you mean?"

The truth often requires clarification.

Centered leaders clarify meaning, rather than taking it for granted. Centered leadership seeks shared meaning.

Today, pay attention to how many times you think you've understood a word or phrase that can have several meanings. When it is appropriate, stop the conversation just long enough to see if you share meanings or if you have disparate meanings. Wouldn't you rather know now than later?

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Leadership Teleclasses and Workshops

Comments

Side Hustle Blues?

As a leader, do you ever sing the side-hustle blues? That's when your team seems distracted because they're tired from working multiple jobs. When I worked in food service it was all around me: team members who were already wrestling with variable schedules and also juggling multiple jobs. Maybe because they enjoyed their other gigs -- like the musicians, actors, artists, and writers on the team. Or maybe because otherwise they couldn't make ends meet so there were the side-hustles in driving, delivering, retailing, and add-on food service shifts. People are wonderful and their potential is unlimited but their physical selves are not unlimited. Which can bring on the side hustle blues when people are tough to schedule, hard to motivate, and just plain tired. You'll never eliminate the gigs that team members enjoy, nor should you. Those are not the ones really sapping the energy as much as those that they are in only for the money. Employees won't need an only-for-t...

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Get Going!

What goal are you working on? Maybe you don't spend every minute of every day working on your goals. I certainly don't. But when I do work on my goals they propel me forward. They get me going. Find your favorite goal. Work on it. Even if you start with the smallest task. Put one task after the other like little steps leading to a lofty elevation. Goals get us going. Because standing still goes nowhere. -- Doug Smith

A Step In The Process

Does change sometimes surprise you? It is always all of a sudden, or does change sometimes sneak its way in a little at a time? Sometimes a problem is just a step in the process to the next big change. Should you resist it, or should you embrace your newest change? Is it a problem to be solved, or a possibility to be explored? Discovering the difference changes everything. Sometimes our perspective can shift from "the end of an era" to "just another step in the process" of becoming who we need to be. How do you prepare for that? -- Douglas Brent Smith http://frontrangeleadership.com

Start With Decisions

Do you share leadership? The most powerful teams share leadership responsibilities AND attitude. When you develop a team where people feel empowered to take charge, take responsibility, and take ownership you then no longer need to do all the difficult work. Delegation becomes easier. Collaboration feels more natural. Start with decisions. It's fast and easy as a leader to make all of the big decisions, but when you include your team in the conversations it takes to gain mutually shared understandings and collaborative decisions, you no longer have to "sell" your decisions --- people simply know what you as a team have decided and act accordingly. No passive aggressive resistance, no passengers on your team "bus" -- just fully engaged team members. Start with collaborative decisions. The rest will be much easier. -- Doug Smith

Promise and then Deliver

Be careful what you promise to gain a new customer. They are only new for a day. After that, expectations continue even if you forget your promise. Be careful what you promise. Do you have what you need to give your customers what they want? Because probably, what they want, is what you've promised. -- doug smith

Strong Self-Esteem

How do the people on your team feel about themselves? How about you? How do you feel about yourself? Self-esteem matters. The way we see ourselves influences the work that we do. If you want healthy, vibrant, vital work from your team, why not make sure that the way that they think about themselves is strong? There are few things stronger than healthy self-esteem. To strengthen self-esteem among your team members: Appreciate good performance by providing specific compliments Spend time talking one-on-one with team members just to let them talk about what interests them Smile The list is longer than that of course, but start with those three things and you'll like the results. And that is good for YOUR self-esteem, isn't it? -- doug smith

More Than Convenience

This is probably get some disagreement. We've come to rely so much on one particular trait of business, probably even more than price. Convenience. We make so many decisions based on how EASY a transaction is. It's so much EASIER than ever before and we've all been spoiled by click-and-ship that anything with any friction whatsoever gets passed over. That's an understandable decision, but not always the best one. Convenience is great, but no substitute for quality. Hamburgers are convenient but wouldn't you rather eat a steak? (please excuse me my vegetarian and vegan friends.) Social media is convenient but how about the depth and richness of a long face to face conversation with a dear friend? I advocate that we consider other measures in our important decisions. Measures other than convenience: Quality Durability Care Beauty Drama What would you add to the list? Convenience is a poor measure of quality. Let's consider everything else that makes business -- a...

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Unlimited Creativity

Do you ever worry about using up your creativity? There's no need: you have an unlimited supply. Maybe it hides sometimes (mine does, like a funky little mouse who will only come out for a cookie) and maybe it goes days on end invisible, but it is still there, as deep as ever, and available for you. When we need to solve problems, when we need new ways to achieve our goals, when we need to make something more fun or interesting so that people will get involved, our creativity is there waiting to activate something wonderful. Sing the song. Draw the picture. Dance the dance. Your creativity is unlimited. Learn more, do more, rinse and repeat. The fun, the brilliance, the excitement is yours for the taking. -- Douglas Brent Smith

High Performance Leadership

Search This Blog