When The Truth Requires Clarification

Have you ever thought that you understood something, only to later discover that you didn't get it at all?

Have you ever been deceived by a "near truth" that you had wanted to be true and so you filled in the blanks that weren't there, only to discover later that it wasn't true?

The truth takes work.

What we believe, and what is true are not always the same thing. While we can (sometimes) control our beliefs, it takes more work to dig down and discover the truth behind a statement, a story, a view.

The truth often requires clarification. Shared meaning is not automatic.

I remember times when I truly wanted to believe that what someone was saying resonated with the truth because I liked that person. And, they may have believed that their statements were true. But, I've learned to be careful about "versions of the truth" and "degrees of the truth. The best way to find out if someone is SAYING what you think you are HEARING is to clarify. Ask for examples. Ask for them to restate what they've said. Ask them to put it into context with one or more of your values. Ask them the magic unquestion:

"Tell me more about that."

Dig deeper.

Sometimes it makes for an uncomfortable moment.

"What do you mean? Don't you get what I'm saying?"

"Maybe I do, but I'm not sure. Could you say it in a different way?"

"I thought you were on my side..."

"I didn't say that I wasn't on your side. I'm not sure I understand what you said, though. Could you give me an example?"

It is worth that moment of discomfort NOW to avoid the slow unwinding effects of misunderstandings LATER.

In the end, we aren't decided truth so much as we are seeking shared meaning. When you say "entitlement" do you mean what I think you mean? Are you making a judgement or just a statement? Is there a better way to say what you really mean? Or, have I truly understood your meaning and find that we disagree?

Conflict exposed is something that we can work on. Conflict buried or hidden is an unresolved problem that will eventually damage our relationship.

Why not deal with our versions of the truth now?

Why not find out if we agree on what we're saying to mean the same thing, whether or not we agree on what to do with that.

"Because when you say entitlement, I'm thinking "earned benefit" that we've paid into our whole careers...is that what you mean?"

The truth often requires clarification.

Centered leaders clarify meaning, rather than taking it for granted. Centered leadership seeks shared meaning.

Today, pay attention to how many times you think you've understood a word or phrase that can have several meanings. When it is appropriate, stop the conversation just long enough to see if you share meanings or if you have disparate meanings. Wouldn't you rather know now than later?

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Leadership Teleclasses and Workshops

Comments

High Performance Leadership Combination

We can rationalize anything without making it justified. Leaders should always ask: who is this good for other than me? High performance leadership does NOT mean performance at any cost. It means performance that serves a noble cause while also benefiting people. High performance leadership is a combination. Results without relationships are shallow and temporary. Take care of both, and you'll be a high performance leader. -- doug smith

What You Need

Use what you've learned to become what you need. -- doug smith

New Ideas

New ideas won't break you but they can make you bigger. -- doug smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

Decide

What do you want? Are you getting what you want? Intention is direction. Decide. And, then go. -- doug smith

Start With Kindness

When you start with kindness you don't have to stay there, but you probably will. It works better for others. It works better for you. If you're human, you'll probably relapse. It does take practice to stay the course. The course starts by starting. When you start with kindness, it becomes more naturally the way. High performance leadership develops from the core leadership strengths of clarity, creativity, courage, and compassion. Build one of those strengths today thru some act of kindness and the others will get stronger as well. -- doug smith

Busy

What to do? High performance leaders prioritize based on mission, vision, values, and goals -- of course! And also, we prioritize based on what will just plain do some good. What's the point in leading unless it is to make a better world? There are enough needs in the world to keep everyone busy improving things. Keep going! -- doug smith

For example

Get good at something that won't obsolete itself. For example: emotional intelligence creating great conversations encouraging people leadership What would you add to the list? Which ones are you developing? -- doug smith

Show Integrity

The goals we seek bring a lot of pull to them. We get wrapped in them. It's useful and it's powerful when we care about our goals so much that they propel us forward and keep us working even when we're tired, beyond the boundaries of our usual limitations. But they should not take us beyond the boundaries of our usual values. They should not trick us into bending the rules just because the rules are in the way. Truly high performance leaders of character who are focused, and centered, and noble maintain integrity. No cheating is ever worth the outcome. Integrity is so rare that many people don't even recognize. If you do, be thankful. We need leaders like you. To truly understand integrity you've got to keep it. Even when it's hard. Even the lines are blurred. -- doug smith

Measures Matter

Some people measure quantify first and quality later. Some people measure money first and impact to the team later (not even second!). How you measure productivity might determine your character and your reputation. Put people first. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

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