When The Truth Requires Clarification

Have you ever thought that you understood something, only to later discover that you didn't get it at all?

Have you ever been deceived by a "near truth" that you had wanted to be true and so you filled in the blanks that weren't there, only to discover later that it wasn't true?

The truth takes work.

What we believe, and what is true are not always the same thing. While we can (sometimes) control our beliefs, it takes more work to dig down and discover the truth behind a statement, a story, a view.

The truth often requires clarification. Shared meaning is not automatic.

I remember times when I truly wanted to believe that what someone was saying resonated with the truth because I liked that person. And, they may have believed that their statements were true. But, I've learned to be careful about "versions of the truth" and "degrees of the truth. The best way to find out if someone is SAYING what you think you are HEARING is to clarify. Ask for examples. Ask for them to restate what they've said. Ask them to put it into context with one or more of your values. Ask them the magic unquestion:

"Tell me more about that."

Dig deeper.

Sometimes it makes for an uncomfortable moment.

"What do you mean? Don't you get what I'm saying?"

"Maybe I do, but I'm not sure. Could you say it in a different way?"

"I thought you were on my side..."

"I didn't say that I wasn't on your side. I'm not sure I understand what you said, though. Could you give me an example?"

It is worth that moment of discomfort NOW to avoid the slow unwinding effects of misunderstandings LATER.

In the end, we aren't decided truth so much as we are seeking shared meaning. When you say "entitlement" do you mean what I think you mean? Are you making a judgement or just a statement? Is there a better way to say what you really mean? Or, have I truly understood your meaning and find that we disagree?

Conflict exposed is something that we can work on. Conflict buried or hidden is an unresolved problem that will eventually damage our relationship.

Why not deal with our versions of the truth now?

Why not find out if we agree on what we're saying to mean the same thing, whether or not we agree on what to do with that.

"Because when you say entitlement, I'm thinking "earned benefit" that we've paid into our whole careers...is that what you mean?"

The truth often requires clarification.

Centered leaders clarify meaning, rather than taking it for granted. Centered leadership seeks shared meaning.

Today, pay attention to how many times you think you've understood a word or phrase that can have several meanings. When it is appropriate, stop the conversation just long enough to see if you share meanings or if you have disparate meanings. Wouldn't you rather know now than later?

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Leadership Teleclasses and Workshops

Comments

The Benefits of Supervisory Training

When was the last time you had any leadership training? How often do the supervisors in your organization get training? If you are like most organizations, it's never enough. Some teams go without any supervisory training at all and expect supervisors and managers to learn as they go, on the job. Unfortunately, while it is memorable to learn from your mistakes, it comes at a high cost. People get tired. People leave. Important accounts go away. Customers complain. And teams struggle without the skills and knowledge it takes to build cohesive teams that are capable of solving problems, improving performance and achieving goals. Admittedly, I can be expected to support training since I'm in the business. Still, take a closer look at your own leadership career and decide for yourself. Are leaders better off with more training and development or with less? Supervisory training can generate benefits that pay off long after the training is over. Here are just a few of the things sup...

Reason to Talk

That misunderstanding, that festering conflict, that difficult behavior...what are we to do? Talk it over. Bring it up. Conflict is reason to talk. Conversations cost less than making assumptions. Talk about it.

Easy on the Multitasking

It's tempting when there is so much to do to heap it up on your top performers. Give them that extra project. Delegate more. While delegation is a key part of high performance leadership, be careful about giving too many things to be done all at once. You know already that multitasking is risky. When you're driving a car you are multitasking -- your hands are doing one thing, your feet are doing another thing, and your eyes are busy on another thing, and it's all perfectly fine, until you add one thing too many. Looking at your phone or changing the controls on your audio, or glancing over your shoulder at the kids in the backseat -- all it takes is one thing too many to be much more than one thing too many. Disaster awaits. Most multitasking causes more problems than it solves. Single task when possible and simply find another way. It may take longer, but it probably won't in the long run. -- doug smith

A Better Future

We can always imagine a better future and that's a great start to getting there. That's the fun part. The hard part is the work. But you know that already. Set the goal, identify the plan, then get started. No one else is going to do it for you. -- doug smith

Our Hearts Go Out To The People Of Japan

Greetings, It's on everyone's minds. Seemingly out of nowhere, an entire country and region has been thrown into panic and chaos over a huge natural event. In times like this we are reminded that the earth can be a hostile place. It's certainly a place of risk and trouble. Our hearts go out to the people in Japan. They are now faced with so many shortages, so many challenges that we long to reach out and help. I received one insightful "tweet" from someone that simply read "today we are all Japanese." In a way, we are. It brings me hope and some sense of helpfulness to know that our United Methodist organization reaches out directly thru global missions and its agency UMCOR to help those in need - including the people of Japan - and that 100% of all donations go directly to the cause. UMCOR can do this because the administrative costs are kept low and are paid through-out the year from United Methodist funds. Those of us who are United Methodists...

High Performance Leaders Practice Taking Criticism

Do you like criticism? I'll admit that I don't. I'm blessed with overly-sensitive sensibilities, and criticism triggers all kinds of defensiveness. But I'm working on it. I'm learning. Criticism can be harsh, but not all criticism is harsh. As don Miguel Ruiz says, "don't take anything personally" (The Four Agreements.) Instead of taking criticism personally, I'm working on finding the value. Finding the feedback that I can use. You might not be able to use all of it. Some days, you can't use any of it. When you can - do. If you can take criticism without getting defensive you'll find the benefit it's meant to give. It's part of good leadership. It's integral for communicating for results. And, it will help you to achieve your goals. Use that to make your situation better, and it's all good. -- Doug Smith

Show Integrity

The goals we seek bring a lot of pull to them. We get wrapped in them. It's useful and it's powerful when we care about our goals so much that they propel us forward and keep us working even when we're tired, beyond the boundaries of our usual limitations. But they should not take us beyond the boundaries of our usual values. They should not trick us into bending the rules just because the rules are in the way. Truly high performance leaders of character who are focused, and centered, and noble maintain integrity. No cheating is ever worth the outcome. Integrity is so rare that many people don't even recognize. If you do, be thankful. We need leaders like you. To truly understand integrity you've got to keep it. Even when it's hard. Even the lines are blurred. -- doug smith

For example

Get good at something that won't obsolete itself. For example: emotional intelligence creating great conversations encouraging people leadership What would you add to the list? Which ones are you developing? -- doug smith

Drop The Emotional Baggage

Does emotional baggage ever intrude on your problem solving process? Sometimes people bring up feelings that were deeply hidden yet growing. Sometimes unresolved conflict re-emerges creating sparks and noise in your attempts at collaboration. It's easy to get excited about a problem. It's especially tempting when people seem to be making the problem worse. But does getting angry help? Does attaching yourself so tightly to the outcome that you burst help your situation? Probably not. Any problem is big enough without adding emotional baggage. Why not drop the emotional baggage and focus on your goal? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

Search This Blog