Adjusting How We Interact

Do you find some people difficult to get along with?

There are all types of difficult people. Some are difficult because they say things that offend us. Some are challenging because they do not say what they are thinking and yet expect us to read their minds. Some people have opinions so sharp and abrasive that we wonder how anyone gets along with them. We can find a hundred ways to disagree and a thousand ways to avoid people who make us feel uncomfortable.

Is that our best choice?

I've discovered that to some people I am that difficult person. My insights around that are that I didn't set out to become that difficult person. It wasn't my idea to say things or do things that anger the very people I most want to influence. Sometimes it happens by accident. Sometimes it happens out of misunderstanding. And, it's always unfortunate.

What if your difficult people didn't mean to be difficult either?

What if we could adjust something that would improve our interactions? What if there were a way to talk about it without getting defensive or provoking defensiveness?

When we develop the skill to adjust the way we interact with people - based on the situation and the mutually held needs at the time - our chances of truly communicating improve dramatically.

Maybe not completely. Maybe not perfectly. But our chances of connecting and understanding improve.

Isn't that worth a try?

What good does it do to go thru life thinking of some people as difficult? What if they were simply different? What if we could find common ground?

It's hard to change people and much easier to change how we interact with them.

I'm going to keep working on that. How about you?

-- Doug Smith

What have you learned today?

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Listen to Their Story

"An enemy is a person whose story we have not heard." -- Gene Knudsen Hoffman Without contrary evidence it always seems like we're right. Even WITH contrary evidence we get stuck often defending our story, our view. The story may not be wrong, but it is surely incomplete. Listen. Ask questions. Understand. Learn. High performance leaders look for common ground. -- doug smith

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Tough and Tender

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Taking a very long walk. Do you ever feel like simply avoiding some feedback that's headed your way? Sometimes I'd rather have someone keep their opinion to themselves. If they're not happy, if they are sounding judgmental, if they have a frowny face. Wouldn't be easier if they just kept quiet? Easier in that moment. And, sometimes maybe it's even the best thing possible if a harsh critic keeps a damaging opinion private. But I've also learned that sometimes the toughest message is what I truly need to hear in order to learn. Just because I don't like criticism doesn't mean it isn't good for me. I just might need to take a good long afterwards. How about you? Here's how to embrace criticism: Remember, they could be wrong. As my friend Dr. Jay Desko has said, "feedback says more about the person providing the feedback than it does about you." Stay curious. There is probably something useful to learn. Remember that a

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