Some Feedback Doesn't Matter

Do you ever get feedback that irritates you?

I've had feedback that just bothers me so much that I can't even do anything with it. But then I stop to assess the source of the feedback. Just because someone gives you feedback doesn't mean that it is correct and it most likely doesn't mean that it's complete. There's more to the story.

One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite college professors from graduate school, Dr. Jay Desko, is this: "feedback says more about the person delivering the feedback than it does about the person receiving the feedback."

I quote Jay on that often because it's so important to keep that in mind. Yes, feedback is important. Yes, I know that I need MORE, not less feedback. And, yes, we should do something with that feedback positive and useful. But sometimes we can safely let the feedback go. Let it drop. Release it.

It's safe to disregard feedback from someone who is so unhappy with themselves that they have nothing positive to say.

Sometimes when people are attacking us, it's really themselves they don't like. We are often most critical of others about what we are hiding within ourselves.

Sobering. Serious. And if we keep centered in our focus, sometimes useful.

What feedback can you safely let go of today?

-- Doug Smith

Front Range Leadership: High Performance Leadership Training

doug smith training: helping people communicate more effectively

What have you learned today?

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Now Means Now

How do you feel when someone says that they will do something right away, and then they don't? When I say "now!" I mean immediately, and without over-thinking. never under estimate the temptation to overthink (I think I just did!) When is now? How about now? -- Doug smith Looking for leadership training? That's what I do: doug smith training

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

Get Going!

What goal are you working on? Maybe you don't spend every minute of every day working on your goals. I certainly don't. But when I do work on my goals they propel me forward. They get me going. Find your favorite goal. Work on it. Even if you start with the smallest task. Put one task after the other like little steps leading to a lofty elevation. Goals get us going. Because standing still goes nowhere. -- Doug Smith

Life Never Stops Teaching

Which learning curve are you climbing? The lessons keep coming. When we keep growing, our energy sparks with new creativity, new courage, new compassion, and new clarity. When we keep growing, life's adventure brings more smiles than troubles. High performance leaders make it a point to keep learning. That means taking on the tough assignments. That means listening to the needs of your team and building on their ideas. That means constantly debriefing, decoding, and deciding. There's a lesson in all of this somewhere. Centered leaders find the lesson and grow. Life never stops teaching. What have you learned today? -- Doug Smith

Promise and then Deliver

Be careful what you promise to gain a new customer. They are only new for a day. After that, expectations continue even if you forget your promise. Be careful what you promise. Do you have what you need to give your customers what they want? Because probably, what they want, is what you've promised. -- doug smith

Start With Decisions

Do you share leadership? The most powerful teams share leadership responsibilities AND attitude. When you develop a team where people feel empowered to take charge, take responsibility, and take ownership you then no longer need to do all the difficult work. Delegation becomes easier. Collaboration feels more natural. Start with decisions. It's fast and easy as a leader to make all of the big decisions, but when you include your team in the conversations it takes to gain mutually shared understandings and collaborative decisions, you no longer have to "sell" your decisions --- people simply know what you as a team have decided and act accordingly. No passive aggressive resistance, no passengers on your team "bus" -- just fully engaged team members. Start with collaborative decisions. The rest will be much easier. -- Doug Smith

Immediate Feedback

High performance leaders share more positive feedback than criticism, but provide corrective feedback immediately when it is needed. They provide more positive feedback simply because by encouraging others thru each success, the team builds momentum. They provide more positive feedback because they know that people respond to direction that reinforces their efforts. They provide more positive feedback because it works. Corrective feedback cannot be ignored. When people are veering away from the standards, when their habits are becoming unproductive, when they are missing their goals, when they are creating problems for others -- the feedback must be precise and immediate. How are you are providing necessary feedback? What percentage of your feedback providing is positive as compared to corrective? Why do you think that is? How can you increase the percentage of positive feedback that you provide? -- Douglas Brent Smith Learn more in the workshop:...

There Is Power In What You Say

High performance leaders realize that there is power in what they say. A few words can make the difference between a stronger relationship and a more flexible team or a broken promise and a shattered dream. What we say maters. It's amazing how much a little can mean. Let's choose that little like it's a lot. Because it is. -- doug smith

Focus on Process

Fix the situation and let people be who they are. As much as you might want to change them, that's not your business. They are doing what they think is right, even if it is horribly wrong. Turn around the situation and watch them rotate, too. -- doug smith

Explore Perspectives

When you find yourself locked in conflict, suspend your competitive edge long enough to discover what people in the conflict really want. For many of us, the natural reaction to conflict is to become more competitive. We prepare ourselves to fight to the finish and behave as if victory must be one sided (and of course, must be ours alone). As Doctors Thomas and Kilmann have pointed out in their influential work on conflict, we have more choices than that. We can always choose to compete if necessary. But first, what if there's an opportunity to build relationships? What if there's an opportunity to collaborate? Isn't it worth taking a moment to step back and find out? Breathe. Relax. Look at the situation from a more impartial distance. Ask meaningful questions with genuine curiosity and an open mind. It's that important. -- Doug Smith http://frontrangeleadership.com For a useful Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes Instrument in PDF form: http://www....

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