How to Embrace Criticism

Taking a very long walk.

Do you ever feel like simply avoiding some feedback that's headed your way?

Sometimes I'd rather have someone keep their opinion to themselves. If they're not happy, if they are sounding judgmental, if they have a frowny face. Wouldn't be easier if they just kept quiet?

Easier in that moment. And, sometimes maybe it's even the best thing possible if a harsh critic keeps a damaging opinion private. But I've also learned that sometimes the toughest message is what I truly need to hear in order to learn.

Just because I don't like criticism doesn't mean it isn't good for me.

I just might need to take a good long afterwards.

How about you?

Here's how to embrace criticism:

Remember, they could be wrong. As my friend Dr. Jay Desko has said, "feedback says more about the person providing the feedback than it does about you."
Stay curious. There is probably something useful to learn.
Remember that a defensive reaction more likely signals a learning moment than it does any real danger.
Stress can create growth. Once the learning moment is over, build in some recovery time by doing something you really like.
Thank the person for their feedback.
Ask them if they'd like your views about their performance or their feedback. (people are less likely to be unkind if they know their turn is coming up next!)

-- Douglas Brent Smith

Comments

A Promise or A Plan?

Which would you rather have -- a promise, or a plan? I love promises. When some people make a promise to me I know that it is as good as done. They are reliable, trustworthy, hard-working creative people who keep their promises. I'll take a promise from them any day. Promises can be problematic sometimes, though. Some people are not so skilled or willing to keep their promises. They may make a promise to move forward in the conversation (possibly because the conversation is deep enough to cause some discomfort) and yet have no intention of keeping that promise. That's not helpful. That's not what centered leaders are looking for. That's not how centered problem solvers operate. Promises are great and I'm also interested in the plan. What exactly are they promising to do and when will they do it? What's the plan? Picking a promise over a plan is a risky way to solve a problem. Problems respond better to the actions completed in a careful and thorough

Perception Frames Your Problem

How do you know for sure if something is a problem? If you see it as a problem, then it is a problem. Your perception will tell you -- not reality, but what you consider important about your reality. If you see it as a problem, shouldn't you do something about it? Centered problem solving sorts through our perceptions and checks in with the perceptions of other people who are effected by the situation. Emotions can trigger misconceptions, so centering ourselves and testing our assumptions is key. Then, if it's still a problem, it's time to do something about it. -- Douglas Brent Smith Bring our Centered Problem Solving workshop to your location and dramatically increase the problem solving skills of the people who attend.

Change Quickly

How are you at keeping up? Change is so rapid that adjusting, and evolving, has become a full time job. We roll with the changes, we drive new changes, we let go of the old. It's not getting easier, and it's getting faster. I work at it. I keep learning. I keep adjusting, and still... By the time I have it figured out it's time to try something else. Instead of getting frustrated, here's how I like to look at it: change is growth. Faster change is faster growth. Getting better is growth, so the more change the better. Are you with me on that? Because the alternative is slow-motion decay, and we don't want that, do we? -- Douglas Brent Smith

Helping People Change

Resistance to change is our most natural and unproductive impulse. Helping people thru that change changes their lives positively. It's s something that high performance leaders do. -- doug smith

Listen to Their Story

"An enemy is a person whose story we have not heard." -- Gene Knudsen Hoffman Without contrary evidence it always seems like we're right. Even WITH contrary evidence we get stuck often defending our story, our view. The story may not be wrong, but it is surely incomplete. Listen. Ask questions. Understand. Learn. High performance leaders look for common ground. -- doug smith

Review What You've Learned

How often do you review what you've learned as a supervisor? I'm thinking about what you've learned from experience, from mistakes, from other people, from surprises, from training and development events. Learning something is only the first step. To make use of it we need to review and review and review until it becomes a tangible part of ourselves and then we have to use it. We need to put our learning to work to make it reach its potential. Successful supervisors review what they've learned on a regular basis. Could you spare 15 minutes today to review what you've learned this year so far? -- Douglas Brent Smith

The Ability to Learn

"The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have." -- Sheryl Sandberg

Know Why You Do What You Do

Remember that advertising slogan for a very questionable publication that kept saying "Inquiring minds want to know"? We all have inquiring minds. We all need to know. And what we need to know the most is why. Why do we do what we do. What makes what we do cool, important, necessary? It's never just a job. It's never just an interaction. There is always a reason why. Know why. Figure out your why. Identify your mission. Then roll with it. -- Doug Smith P.S. My good friend David Spiegel has pointed out that Simon Sinek is a great source on WHY. Here's the video where I first was drawn to his thinking on this:

Tough and Tender

It's better to be considered tough and show up tender than to be thought tender and show up tough. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

Search This Blog