Skip to main content

Pay Attention to the Facts AND the Feelings

Have you ever had a hard time getting someone to understand what you were saying because they were too emotional?

That can be frustrating, especially for those of us who mainly focus on facts first, and not so much on feelings.

But feelings are important. To some people, the feelings come first. Until we care about their feelings, they likely don't care about our facts.

We all feel things differently. Sometimes, what seems like a small challenge to someone else could be a cause for hurt feelings for another. We feel what we're feelings and hope that others can understand that. It takes attention and work.

When feelings are fragile, answers are hard to find.

We need to take care of our feelings and the feelings of others. That doesn't mean that we must share those feelings, but we do need to understand them. That answer we're looking for is likely hidden by a fog of feelings too thick to ignore.

Don't ignore it.

-- Doug Smith

Front Range Leadership:  High Performance Leadership Training

doug smith training: how to achieve your goals


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Better Future

We can always imagine a better future and that's a great start to getting there. That's the fun part.  The hard part is the work. But you know that already. Set the goal, identify the plan, then get started. No one else is going to do it for you. -- doug smith

The Essential Question

The essential question is "How can I help?" Whether you are the leader of thousands or completely on your own, your role on this planet is to help, to make things better. Usually, that means helping other people. Kings, rulers, athletes, artists, government officials, doctors, fire fighters, deli workers, mechanics, economists...we are all here to help. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes we feel the need to be served instead. But whatever the situation, no matter what the organization, high performance leaders know that their role is to help. Reflection Questions How can you be most helpful? What situations are you facing right now where you have not yet asked the question, "how can I help?" Who do you remember the most for being ready to jump in and find a way to help? How did they make you feel? How engaged and happy did they seem to be? Action Plan Within the next 24 hours, find a situation and ask yourself "how can I help?" ... and then...

High Performance Leaders Deal With Anger

What do you do when someone in your range of influence is angry? It can be discomforting. It can be disruptive. Anger is tough to handle under the best of circumstances. And yet, handle it we must. Centered, high performance leaders are careful about anger. Careful about their own anger and careful about their reactions to the anger of others. I had a boss once (a very long time ago) who told me that I had a problem with anger. That made me angry. The reaction to anger is sometimes defensiveness, sometimes fear, and sometimes (surprise!) more anger. Whatever our reaction, our bodies are usually poised for action. What we do in that moment of activation is critical to our success. If our life or emotional well-being is being threatened, that steers our direction. But usually, although it feels that way, we are not actually under any threat. So we must deal with anger productively. We must say what we want without blaming others for it not being there. We must listen with cur...

Learn To Build A Better Tomorrow

Do you have all the answers yet? Are you finished learning? Of course not. Learning is a lifetime necessity, especially for leaders. Centered leaders learn constantly and apply what they learn to make things better. To solve problems. To achieve their goals. What we learn today can bring about a better tomorrow.  Isn't that what you want, a better tomorrow? It can happen, but it's up to each of us. What will you do? What will you learn? What have you learned today? -- Doug Smith Front Range Leadership:  Training Supervisors for Success doug smith training:  how to achieve your goals

Stop Running From Your Solution

Why do we run away from the answer? Sometimes it's right there in front of us - the solution to our problem, and yet we turn away. It's a bad habit and one that keeps us from finding what we're looking for when it comes to solving a problem. The solution to your problem is looking for you -- you just need to stop running. Can you hear those footsteps? -- Doug Smith Front Range Leadership:  High performance leadership training doug smith training:  how to achieve your goals

Great Teachers Are Great Leaders

Do you remember your favorite teacher? What was it about that teacher that made class better, more effective, and more productive? Was learning interesting, even fun? Did you realize at the time that your teacher was demonstrating great learning skill AND great leadership? Where else could high performance leadership be more important than in our schools? There's a great article here about a great leader and teacher from Alabama, April Kennamer and her approach to teaching. Her keys to teaching including: Encouraging students to learn thru self-discovery Creating curiosity in her students to compel them forward Promoting respect for all things We could certainly benefit from more leaders who include those three components.  We tend to remember more when we discover the answers on our own, most team members are more inclined to stay motivated if there is an element of curiosity in their work, and we all benefit from both giving and receiving more respect. You could even make a case...

Professional, Patient, Persistent, and Powerful

Professional, patient, persistent, and powerful. Those are four traits worth focusing on as a leader. Combined with what it takes to be a centered leader (courage, compassion, creativity, and clarity) these four "p's" can drive a leader forward in performance and results. Are you professional? Paying attention to details, keeping an appropriate appearance for your line of work, meeting deadlines, installing quality, treating others as the professional you aspire to be -- these are all marks of leading as a professional. What would you add to the list? Are you patient? Leaders are often faced with difficult situations at exactly the wrong time. Without surrendering to lower standards, leaders must remain patient with people and circumstances. How else should leaders demonstrate patience? Are you persistent? Patience begs persistence. While high performance leaders have the capacity to remain patient under stress, they are also doggedly persistent. Nothing should stand in t...

Insist On Productive Meetings

Who needs bad meetings? And yet, so often we tolerate them. We sit thru meetings where nothing is accomplished or where people are so uncomfortable that true and honest communication is avoided. It does not need to be that way. When I have control over the outcome of a meeting, I make certain that it includes both careful planning and skillful facilitation. The planning includes: The agenda The goals Processes for achieving each goal Agreements and guidelines for how people behave during the meeting Roles (facilitator, time-keeper, recorder, and whatever else the meeting needs) Feedback / Evaluation Depending on the meeting, I might add other things such as warm-up activities, breaks, refreshments (and refresher activities.) When I do not control the meeting, I seek to influence it in advance to include those things mentioned above. When I do not control or influence the meeting, I decide ahead of time how necessary is it for me to attend, and if the answer is...

Leading Through Participation

"If you create an environment where the people truly participate, you don't need control. They know what needs to be done, and they do it. And the more that people will devote themselves to your cause on a voluntary basis, a willing basis, the fewer hierarchies and control mechanisms you need." -- Herb Kelleher, CEO. Southwestern Airlines Leadership brings about participation. It's not just distributing work the way some people call delegation. If a person feels dumped on, it's not effective delegation. I have a real distaste for the definition of leadership that describes it as "getting work done through others". Sure, others help -- but unless the leader has at least some taste for the work involved, people will only stick around until a better offer appears. To build true devotion takes commitment and involvement by everyone -- including the leader. -- Douglas Brent Smith Learn more in the workshop:   Supervising for Success