Is It Really the Person?

Do you know any difficult people?

I ask that question a lot, everywhere I go, and people usually say yes. Not only do they say yes, but they have someone in mind.

Let me challenge that a bit. Why do you think that person is difficult? Do you think that they are choosing to be difficult?

No doubt, some people ARE difficult to deal with. Some people DO try their best to aggravate, provoke, and poke us in our tender spots. But, for the most part the people we think are difficult are doing the best they know how to do. Sure, they should do better, but they are doing the best they know how to do.

We can help them to do better. It starts with doing better ourselves. When I look at someone at think of them as being difficult, you can be certain that when they look at me they think the same thing. Difficult is contagious. Difficult is reciprocal. Difficult IS fixable.

I don't pretend to ever be able to fix anyone. I can't even fix myself completely. I've learned that when I am at my most difficult it was likely due to the conditions surrounding me, combined with some deeply flawed thinking. Even when I can't fix the circumstances, I CAN fix my flawed thinking.

Difficult people don't really want to be difficult. They might even feel forced into it. Stay patient, stay curious, stay kind, and see what happens. Sometimes when WE stop being difficult, our difficult people can, too.

What do you think?

-- doug smith

Comments

Measures Matter

Some people measure quantify first and quality later. Some people measure money first and impact to the team later (not even second!). How you measure productivity might determine your character and your reputation. Put people first. -- doug smith

New Ideas

New ideas won't break you but they can make you bigger. -- doug smith

Your Reputation

More authority means higher levels of responsibility. More power requires more service to others, not less. What you do with your power is who you will be known as. Also, how you use the power you have creates who people will remember you as. How do you want to be remembered? -- doug smith

What You Need

Use what you've learned to become what you need. -- doug smith

Personally

Improving performance does require us to take our work seriously. But it does not require us to take ourselves too seriously. Taking things personally is a waste of self-esteem. -- doug smith

For example

Get good at something that won't obsolete itself. For example: emotional intelligence creating great conversations encouraging people leadership What would you add to the list? Which ones are you developing? -- doug smith

The Problem With Compromises

Think about the last time you compromised on something. Whether it was a big compromise or a little compromise, how do you feel about it now? While we often call it "meet in the middle" it seldom does. Compromises are not automatically fair, no matter how implied that fairness is. Someone usually gets more out of a compromise than the person they are "compromising" with. If the low end is you, you don't like it -- and you remember that. If the top end of the compromise is you, you probably forget all about it even though the inequity simmers in the background. Compromises must be constantly revisited because they are inevitably unfair. If you get the chance to balance things out, your relationship will prosper. If you miss that chance, the relationship will suffer. What's your choice? -- doug smith

Show Up!

"You've got to be there. Big decisions are being made!" my former boss told me a long time ago. "If your voice is in the room you might be heard..." It was good advice then and it still is. Show up. When there's a goal you're working on and an opportunity appears to advance that goal -- show up. When changes are being made that will affect you -- show up! When it matters to you -- show up. You won't always get what you want by showing up, but you never will if you don't! -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership Combination

We can rationalize anything without making it justified. Leaders should always ask: who is this good for other than me? High performance leadership does NOT mean performance at any cost. It means performance that serves a noble cause while also benefiting people. High performance leadership is a combination. Results without relationships are shallow and temporary. Take care of both, and you'll be a high performance leader. -- doug smith

Decide

What do you want? Are you getting what you want? Intention is direction. Decide. And, then go. -- doug smith

High Performance Leadership

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